I want to share, from now on I managed to get back to how I am. Not even linking to negative thoughts.

Seeing share everything I spent a lot in hospitals, and with many brain injuries. And I’m sharing it with everyone because I feel like I’m coming back.

I managed to go to the hospital alone this time. I write to you not to lose hope, and what else do we have to learn from ourselves.

We are in the year 2023. And with deep gratitude.

So I’ll tell you, that my mother registered it.

“2016

• Feb and Mar 2016 – Feels severe headaches and sees lights for about 3 weeks. Exchange ideas with Dr. Getulio but refuses to return to his office to redo the exams. She says that she “never goes back to a hospital or is treated using Western medicine, only Eastern medicine”. doctor Getúlio dies in Feb 2016. His headaches don’t get better and he decides to seek help from Dr. Caio Simioni who asks for an ANGIOGRAPHY. He finally has a diagnosis of Stroke and CEREBRAL VASCULITIS. She is again admitted to the Hosp. Samaritano where she undergoes pulse therapy and receives treatment with immunosuppressants. She feels sick, with the immunosuppressant, vomits and has dysentery. -June 2016-She is depressed but still manages to travel alone for a month in Myanmar. -August 2016-She moves to Lima, Peru, where she is only treated w / acupuncture with the Chinese, Dr. Pan. She reduces the cortisone from 40mg to 5mg all on her own. 2017 – Watershed Year: -17/03/2017 – with a lot of pain and shocks in the legs and feet, loss of vision and tightness in the throat, and after much insistence from us, he arrives in SP on 03/17, Friday, taking 40 mg of cortisone and 2 Gardenal at 100 mg/day. She is hospitalized at Samaritano where she redoes the CSF, MRI, EEG, blood, urine tests but nothing new is found.
• 03/20/2017 – We were discharged by the hands of Dr Fernando Freua who says he has not found any activity of Vasculitis or stroke and suggests us to continue with outpatient treatment. However, Julieta is not well at all and, although she hates the Hospital, she is disappointed with the discharge.
• 03/21/2017 – At the suggestion of Dr Karen Fernandes, from Dr Getulio’s team and who had been treating Julieta, we decided to consult Dr Eduardo Mutarelli (H.Sirio Libanes). Dr Mutarelli examines and listens to Julieta for 1h50. Juliet in complete mental confusion. Examines, talks about cramps, prescription Quinine, Pregabalin and asks to see tests done at Samaritano in 2016. Long appointment but impossible to talk to Dr again. Mutarelli, with assistants only. -03/28/17-she wakes up at 3:30 in the morning complaining of a lot of pain in her leg. Medicines: phenobarbital 250 mg and cortisone 20 mg, dipyrone, tandrilax, tanderil
  03/30/17 – return to Mutarelli and RETURN IN THE CASE. Dr Mutarelli says that Julieta does not have cerebral vasculitis and probably never has.
• 04/10/17 – Given the difficulty of talking to Dr Mutarelli, we decided to go back with Dr Karen. Juliet worse and worse. She can’t see, rolls her tongue, feels pain in her leg and there is no diagnosis. Until the day
• 04/15/17 – Julieta starts off in the morning. She is taken to H. Samaritano where she remains for 34 days, 25 days in the ICU, 10 days intubated. She goes into a state of epilepticus, gets two hospital infections, a leg bends, the foot turns inwards and she is forced to do physiotherapy on the orthostatic board. Then she is obliged to use an orthosis. She needs to relearn to walk, to talk. She completely loses her memory and struggles to recognize people. During the rest of the year, she undergoes five sessions of pulse therapy with cortisone and cyclophosphamide. Ends the year with 690 neutrophils.
• 5/26/17, at Dr Karen’s request, redo the Angiography exam. This time, at her request, she makes Dr. Paulo Puglia who is emphatic: Julieta DOES NOT HAVE CEREBRAL VASCULITIS. And, just like Dr. Getulio, suggests that she must have an AUTOIMMUNE ENCEPHALITIS. It remains to find the trigger. 2018/2019 – years without significant crises CRISIS 2020
• 01/17/20- 01/22/20 – H. Samaritano (6 days)
  Julieta feels severe headaches, and in the midst of a lot of mental confusion, she is admitted to H. Samaritano again, where she stays until 01/22. She has many MRI’s and EEG’s and is again subjected to pulse therapy with cortisone, various anticonvulsants, etc. Upon her arrival, in 4 hours the electro registered 90 electrical discharges, which according to Dr. Rodrigo, already configures status epilepticus. In 12 hours, discharges dropped to less than 50. MRI, in turn, showed no new lesions. doctor Rodrigo thought that this crisis was due to medication withdrawal and Julieta herself admitted that she was stopping taking the medication. He has already explained to her that if this is repeated, she may enter an irreversible crisis”

I share it with you all because I can write, speak and even remember things from the past and present. Those things that were significant.
How to take medicine and everything I learned to keep everything I learned from the West and Asia. Everything made me feel better.

Meditating calms me down. My connection that came back and my friends that I found again. But meditating is from a depth, and it doesn’t make us focus on a thought that we get stuck.

Now I take Rituximab and I meditate. Both my doctor Dr. Rodrigo Holanda was surprised that I was doing so well on this appointment.

And I’ve been there for years, always going with someone, and I couldn’t go alone. But this week I managed to do it myself again. As if you are incapable, but don’t think it’s negative to go alone. We were born alone, and we live alone, what we need is to learn what is the freedom of our existence.
Mas aquela incapaz, como sempre foi, dessa vez me lembrei de como a conheci.

Last year I was talking to a Tibetan lama and I told him that I have hallucinations and that I have brain damage. What can I do.

He told me “We all hallucinate, what the other sees is not what he hears. “I didn’t even like it anymore, and I thought it was silly. He paused and said, “When you have damage to an area of ​​the brain, use a part you haven’t used. “

This gave me hope, but I went to ask the truth that we had parts that we didn’t even use. I was told it was true, my neurologist friend told me.

There came hope, and I tried. And then it made me meditate.

There in meditation, I began to know myself. And suddenly I started to meditate not the course, because I had already done it, but with a depth. Sometimes I was lazy, but I understood that I needed to meditate every day. And suddenly friends kept appearing and calling me. Suddenly and monks, lamas and science

So I’m even grateful for the fall, and I share it because we’re getting to know each other along the way.

But how can I say I’m calm? No, sometimes I get angry, depressed. But sometimes as I talk to my friends, sometimes we are the same people.

When it comes to people who let me down, I start to think it’s like a mirror.

Thus, an illness, such as an epileptic seizure, my immunity is low, etc. Everything is a mirror and who sees.

Everything is the value of knowing who we are.

I wrote to everyone like me, be grateful and don’t even waste time with a mirror, and I share my story because your path you will always decolonize your mind. I had to decolonize myself from medicine, today I am grateful for medicine and meditation. And all the people I cross makes me find us. All of this mirror is what we don’t accept, it’s a part of us that’s still inside, let us accept it.

Love,

Jules

I’m so thrilled to write so much and be able to share, how my mind has fallen. I can show you that we can walk the path. And grateful you read it. But I have to say it slowly, because at one time I couldn’t even read, talk, walk, or even remember things.

But we have to accept our mind, I also had to learn to be patient. I can’t even write, nothing is fast. I have a great gratitude for life when I am present.

And I see that when I want to tell my blog, he suddenly arrests me and does not think about anyone’s rule in my head, it even causes me pain, and I hallucinate. So I stop and meditate because it makes me aware.

It’s the year 2023, but my downfall lasted for several years.

The last time I lived in Europe was between 2007 and 2011, but I traveled around the world, but I lived in London. But I entered the LSE in 2008 and stayed in 2011. I won a scholarship to do my PhD. My doctorate was a peace project between Israel and Palestine. In London I made new friends from around the world. From there I also joined a yoga group and started to enter the path of meditation and I didn’t have much patience, but I became friends with a Tibetan Lama. Lama Lobsang spoke the words that will mark me.

It took so long and my mind went blank. We ate in silence. He had spoken a mantra and when it was over he told me to go into the room. I took a few steps and he said “Do you remember when you were angry? “ My mind went back to being scared, angry and angry at me. Lama Lobsang said “One word, you become anger, fear. You have to calm down, and meditate”. I kept thinking that that was nonsense, and my prejudices.

I was so lost in my brain. But I always forgot that I was so desperate and Lama Lobsang invited me to have a lunch. But I felt that I shouldn’t go.

I arrived and started telling about my suffering and what I saw in my life. I was saying a million things and he told me and told me to go to the kitchen. And he told me to be silent. I was kind of disgusted, but I stayed quiet and watched him cook super slowly and doing a mantra.

I wanted to volunteer to teach English in Asia, I found out and went to Thailand in 2009. There I began to discover a place that enchanted me.

Then I wanted to abandon my doctorate because of Israel and Palestine. The Teacher said “Why not do it about Buddhism? “
I wanted to escape and went to Dharmsala. I kept running away from everywhere, from India I went to Italy and I counted in the posts. I share in my post , a friend of the inn that Thailandia. Julian sent me a message if I wanted to be a hostel attendant. I went, I always felt lost, but I went and I felt at home.

I loved so deeply, and thought it was like my second home in the world. I had already stayed there knowing the world. But one day, my foot got stuck. It simply stuck and I went to Brazil.

But when my foot got stuck I was second and I got better traveling and I was traveling through Brazil and Colombia. When I was told to make a book.

So I have even learned to understand time. I write agitated to write in a book. And dealing with a thousand things in the world, and that’s how I saw it.

I have been writing from my travels, and have been helped by my friends, and a boyfriend. And I wanted to take the book to my friends. But I wanted to go to Burma, and when I was lining up to apply for a visa, I started to feel epilepsy. I was full of emotions, and nothing to be present

A nurse saw me on the street, in Thailand, they will come, and they said that I should go to the hospital.

From there I remember few things, but it was my first coma. My mother said that I spent 30 days in the hospital in Bangkok.
So down. That’s what my my wrote.

“ CRISIS September 2013 – enters a state of “epilepticus” in Bangkok. She is interned from the 2nd to the 20th of September at the St Louis Hospital in Bangkok, trying to control epileptic seizures. She has to be intubated to receive high doses of anticonvulsants (Depakote, Keppra) in addition to cortisone. Ruben and I are going there. When we managed to return to Sao Paulo, we stayed another week at Hospital Samaritano, when Dr. Getulio comments that, this time, the damage had been enormous. With schizophrenia of neurological origin, she undergoes treatment with clozapine with Dr. Euthymia Almeida Prado. doctor Getulio keeps Depakote and cortisone. She goes from 44 kg to about 60 kg. doctor Getulio is terrified and returns to Gardenal. Little by little, she recovers from the hallucinations and Dr Euthymia eliminates Clozapine, which is very bad for her. It’s almost like being reborn, except that she’s reborn as a teenager. She suffers from loss of neurons, from reading ability to cognition.”

It was even difficult to leave the hospital, I was not conscious. And so I had to be allowed to fly and be conscious. I even went from a hospital in one country to another hospital in Brazil.

.

For my parents it was even more difficult, than for me. But from my coma, I remember that one day I saw a woman. I remember I was in bed, there were people on the other side and they were arguing, but on the other side I suddenly saw this woman. She looked at me and suddenly asked me if I wanted to live. And I said “yes, because of my grandmother, and my boyfriend” and the people fighting will disappear, and I saw my boyfriend leaving, and my grandmother would fall and it would be difficult to walk

Everything happened, in my coma, but then it happened in my life back in Brazil. But life happened. As the mind should already know.

I returned to Brazil a long time ago, and spent some time away, incapable and revolted.

But the temple floated and I managed to get the treatment, because in the end we didn’t even know very well. We don’t even know much yet.

I tell it daily, imagining what conscience we have, how similar we are. And when we see the base of ourselves, I must accept it as we are.

But I try slowly, slowly, because I try to float to share, how I am managing to share the peace of the way. So because neither the doctors nor I still don’t know who I am.

With love,
Jules

Thank you for reading. They make me ponder the flow of my life. And you realize that so many things realize that when I write a lot, it activates the brain too much. As my father said “I write slowly, and few things come. “ And that I see, makes me focus, but not write si much. Than I can calms the mind.

I’m going to tell you slowly, because I want to share what my mother clearly left from what she saw, but I see it in a different way. But she saw me very sick. And I think about the facts I think about. This I confess makes me analyze and tears come out. I’ll tempt you how time circles.

my mom says
2009/2010/2011
“In these 3 years she has been doing relatively well and has had very few seizures. He comes to Brazil a few times for a consultation, but the MRI shows no major alterations. Always very reluctant to take the anticonvulsant, the only medication for continuous use prescribed by Getulio.”

For the photos that help me, remember the time and the facts. And how to get to know the trips that will mark the world.
In 2008 I started doing my Masters at the LSE in London and it was on cognitive anthropology. And Ma I see that I traveled around India in September, October and it helped me inside and without seeing. All of this makes me ponder.

I remember I went to India and we happened to go to Dharam Sala. When I arrived there was a Dalai Lama class. I didn’t even want to do it, but Haiko told me “But since you say you don’t have prejudice, let’s see?”

I was doing my Masters in Cognitive Anthropology. And I was already thinking about my PhD. But there in India there was also an internal prison that I couldn’t even understand what it had. I was already terrified that I had gotten sick, in my brain.

I went to see the Dalai Lama’s class and I was moved by so many lamas from other countries and cultures. Haiko and I spoke in English, but I heard two Brazilian women who were next to me.

But the Dalai Lama arrived and everyone was amazed, and his first word was “don’t be a Buddhist, respect all religions, respect what’s inside you”. It touched me, but it didn’t convince me that I was still trapped by the political stuff.

But I say that because it started in me, in New York and thinking about politics, the control of our mind. And I arrived 10 days before September 11, 2001.

All of us foreign students arrive at the university earlier. Discover my friends and all religions, and agnostics and atheists. We begin to realize what the power of religions and their politics is like.

Then, as I had already received a scholarship to study in college, a few years passed and I found out that I had another scholarship to study in Amsterdam. This Scholarship was about international politics. This was in 2004.

I remember my friend Caroline, who is Swiss and was studying psychology, and she said to me “you already won a scholarship to come to the United States, and you already want to run away to go to the other country? You are running away from you.”

Funny, because this sentence was said by my friend from Switzerland, as it was also said by a friend from Israel. And I would go to another country. Just as my friend from Palestine told me “Because he’s still running away from his doctorate” Just as I also wanted to run away from my first marriage, which is in Holland. Just like I wanted to leave London, and I even wanted to escape from Vipassana.

The colleges, and schools of the world made me learn to argue. Then I knew that I wanted to argue with the person responsible for Vipassana.

I remember when I went to explain all the philosophies, and through the mind. She listened in silence and said “Your enemy is your best friend, it’s you”

I stayed just to prove it was easy. It wasn’t, but it was wonderful.

But what I couldn’t escape were my comas. Then I remember Dr. Getulio who said to me “Julieta, you who write, why don’t you tell, about.“

In a coma, I would travel through the hospital, I would travel to another planet. Then you have no way out, and sometimes you come back.

So I write that we have to get to know each other. Discover peace and compassion.

But as my father used to say, I count slowly. But we can improve ourselves as we are.

With Love,
Jules

I haven’t seen my friend Rodrigo Vilela for years and he came to visit me. I’ve been meditating for a while, but I always ask questions about life stories. Even more than my friend. he worked in recycling, and he worked for Globo. So I knew he would have stories around the world. But our meeting made us meditate and quiet our minds.

The story he told me touched me, I thought it should become a movie. It was about a young man, I say he was born in Brazil, in Minas, he was from his little town and he liked philosophy and wanted to be a priest. He had almost no money, but he went to São Paulo and helped students get into college. He couldn’t go himself.

But it was at the time of the dictatorship, and it was just starting, that I saw young people who wanted to study at colleges they didn’t want from people who liked to question.

But it was a phase and even then it was not very accepted to help students. At a certain point he realized that he was going to be killed and had to live in houses and neighborhoods and flee Brazil.

Until that I thought it was one of the most terrible things I’ve ever heard, but life surprised me even more.

He had to flee the country and figure out how he was going to walk to the Bolivian border. I managed to fake the time of a football game.

He went and managed to arrive in Chile and tried to go to Switzerland, Italy and denied. He managed to go to France.

He couldn’t stop wanting to be a priest, he went to learn French and went to the temple and started studying and writing poems.

There he fell in love with the nun, who was there and began to write poems for her. And finally managed to get rid of the books.

It touched me. Because this story wasn’t from the Unknown, but I didn’t know. The story came from the parents of Rodrigo, from my friend , whom we got married at in school and we where the June festival and studied at the Licée Pasteur.

Even more ironic is that my friend is gay. And we are atheists and we like reincarnation better.

Maybe because we feel called in life, and we are still in life. I joke that we are caviar left, but we think, and we are discovering ourselves through meditation. We are together in the spirituality of discovering who we are. Don’t abandon who you are, you can’t even tell how many people help you, you’ve already helped. But that’s how much you’ll see through meditation.

With love Jules