The Brain and My mind 4

I want to share, from now on I managed to get back to how I am. Not even linking to negative thoughts.

Seeing share everything I spent a lot in hospitals, and with many brain injuries. And I’m sharing it with everyone because I feel like I’m coming back.

I managed to go to the hospital alone this time. I write to you not to lose hope, and what else do we have to learn from ourselves.

We are in the year 2023. And with deep gratitude.

So I’ll tell you, that my mother registered it.

“2016

  • Feb and Mar 2016 – Feels severe headaches and sees lights for about 3 weeks. Exchange ideas with Dr. Getulio but refuses to return to his office to redo the exams. She says that she “never goes back to a hospital or is treated using Western medicine, only Eastern medicine”. doctor Getúlio dies in Feb 2016. His headaches don’t get better and he decides to seek help from Dr. Caio Simioni who asks for an ANGIOGRAPHY. He finally has a diagnosis of Stroke and CEREBRAL VASCULITIS. She is again admitted to the Hosp. Samaritano where she undergoes pulse therapy and receives treatment with immunosuppressants. She feels sick, with the immunosuppressant, vomits and has dysentery. -June 2016-She is depressed but still manages to travel alone for a month in Myanmar. -August 2016-She moves to Lima, Peru, where she is only treated w / acupuncture with the Chinese, Dr. Pan. She reduces the cortisone from 40mg to 5mg all on her own. 2017 – Watershed Year: -17/03/2017 – with a lot of pain and shocks in the legs and feet, loss of vision and tightness in the throat, and after much insistence from us, he arrives in SP on 03/17, Friday, taking 40 mg of cortisone and 2 Gardenal at 100 mg/day. She is hospitalized at Samaritano where she redoes the CSF, MRI, EEG, blood, urine tests but nothing new is found.
  • 03/20/2017 – We were discharged by the hands of Dr Fernando Freua who says he has not found any activity of Vasculitis or stroke and suggests us to continue with outpatient treatment. However, Julieta is not well at all and, although she hates the Hospital, she is disappointed with the discharge.
  • 03/21/2017 – At the suggestion of Dr Karen Fernandes, from Dr Getulio’s team and who had been treating Julieta, we decided to consult Dr Eduardo Mutarelli (H.Sirio Libanes). Dr Mutarelli examines and listens to Julieta for 1h50. Juliet in complete mental confusion. Examines, talks about cramps, prescription Quinine, Pregabalin and asks to see tests done at Samaritano in 2016. Long appointment but impossible to talk to Dr again. Mutarelli, with assistants only. -03/28/17-she wakes up at 3:30 in the morning complaining of a lot of pain in her leg. Medicines: phenobarbital 250 mg and cortisone 20 mg, dipyrone, tandrilax, tanderil
    03/30/17 – return to Mutarelli and RETURN IN THE CASE. Dr Mutarelli says that Julieta does not have cerebral vasculitis and probably never has.
  • 04/10/17 – Given the difficulty of talking to Dr Mutarelli, we decided to go back with Dr Karen. Juliet worse and worse. She can’t see, rolls her tongue, feels pain in her leg and there is no diagnosis. Until the day
  • 04/15/17 – Julieta starts off in the morning. She is taken to H. Samaritano where she remains for 34 days, 25 days in the ICU, 10 days intubated. She goes into a state of epilepticus, gets two hospital infections, a leg bends, the foot turns inwards and she is forced to do physiotherapy on the orthostatic board. Then she is obliged to use an orthosis. She needs to relearn to walk, to talk. She completely loses her memory and struggles to recognize people. During the rest of the year, she undergoes five sessions of pulse therapy with cortisone and cyclophosphamide. Ends the year with 690 neutrophils.
  • 5/26/17, at Dr Karen’s request, redo the Angiography exam. This time, at her request, she makes Dr. Paulo Puglia who is emphatic: Julieta DOES NOT HAVE CEREBRAL VASCULITIS. And, just like Dr. Getulio, suggests that she must have an AUTOIMMUNE ENCEPHALITIS. It remains to find the trigger. 2018/2019 – years without significant crises CRISIS 2020
  • 01/17/20- 01/22/20 – H. Samaritano (6 days)
    Julieta feels severe headaches, and in the midst of a lot of mental confusion, she is admitted to H. Samaritano again, where she stays until 01/22. She has many MRI’s and EEG’s and is again subjected to pulse therapy with cortisone, various anticonvulsants, etc. Upon her arrival, in 4 hours the electro registered 90 electrical discharges, which according to Dr. Rodrigo, already configures status epilepticus. In 12 hours, discharges dropped to less than 50. MRI, in turn, showed no new lesions. doctor Rodrigo thought that this crisis was due to medication withdrawal and Julieta herself admitted that she was stopping taking the medication. He has already explained to her that if this is repeated, she may enter an irreversible crisis”

I share it with you all because I can write, speak and even remember things from the past and present. Those things that were significant.
How to take medicine and everything I learned to keep everything I learned from the West and Asia. Everything made me feel better.

Meditating calms me down. My connection that came back and my friends that I found again. But meditating is from a depth, and it doesn’t make us focus on a thought that we get stuck.

Now I take Rituximab and I meditate. Both my doctor Dr. Rodrigo Holanda was surprised that I was doing so well on this appointment.

And I’ve been there for years, always going with someone, and I couldn’t go alone. But this week I managed to do it myself again. As if you are incapable, but don’t think it’s negative to go alone. We were born alone, and we live alone, what we need is to learn what is the freedom of our existence.
Mas aquela incapaz, como sempre foi, dessa vez me lembrei de como a conheci.

Last year I was talking to a Tibetan lama and I told him that I have hallucinations and that I have brain damage. What can I do.

He told me “We all hallucinate, what the other sees is not what he hears. “I didn’t even like it anymore, and I thought it was silly. He paused and said, “When you have damage to an area of ​​the brain, use a part you haven’t used. “

This gave me hope, but I went to ask the truth that we had parts that we didn’t even use. I was told it was true, my neurologist friend told me.

There came hope, and I tried. And then it made me meditate.

There in meditation, I began to know myself. And suddenly I started to meditate not the course, because I had already done it, but with a depth. Sometimes I was lazy, but I understood that I needed to meditate every day. And suddenly friends kept appearing and calling me. Suddenly and monks, lamas and science

So I’m even grateful for the fall, and I share it because we’re getting to know each other along the way.

But how can I say I’m calm? No, sometimes I get angry, depressed. But sometimes as I talk to my friends, sometimes we are the same people.

When it comes to people who let me down, I start to think it’s like a mirror.

Thus, an illness, such as an epileptic seizure, my immunity is low, etc. Everything is a mirror and who sees.

Everything is the value of knowing who we are.

I wrote to everyone like me, be grateful and don’t even waste time with a mirror, and I share my story because your path you will always decolonize your mind. I had to decolonize myself from medicine, today I am grateful for medicine and meditation. And all the people I cross makes me find us. All of this mirror is what we don’t accept, it’s a part of us that’s still inside, let us accept it.

Love,

Jules

My Brain , my mind and Coma

I’m so thrilled to write so much and be able to share, how my mind has fallen. I can show you that we can walk the path. And grateful you read it. But I have to say it slowly, because at one time I couldn’t even read, talk, walk, or even remember things.

But we have to accept our mind, I also had to learn to be patient. I can’t even write, nothing is fast. I have a great gratitude for life when I am present.

And I see that when I want to tell my blog, he suddenly arrests me and does not think about anyone’s rule in my head, it even causes me pain, and I hallucinate. So I stop and meditate because it makes me aware.

It’s the year 2023, but my downfall lasted for several years.

The last time I lived in Europe was between 2007 and 2011, but I traveled around the world, but I lived in London. But I entered the LSE in 2008 and stayed in 2011. I won a scholarship to do my PhD. My doctorate was a peace project between Israel and Palestine. In London I made new friends from around the world. From there I also joined a yoga group and started to enter the path of meditation and I didn’t have much patience, but I became friends with a Tibetan Lama. Lama Lobsang spoke the words that will mark me.

It took so long and my mind went blank. We ate in silence. He had spoken a mantra and when it was over he told me to go into the room. I took a few steps and he said “Do you remember when you were angry? “ My mind went back to being scared, angry and angry at me. Lama Lobsang said “One word, you become anger, fear. You have to calm down, and meditate”. I kept thinking that that was nonsense, and my prejudices.

I was so lost in my brain. But I always forgot that I was so desperate and Lama Lobsang invited me to have a lunch. But I felt that I shouldn’t go.

I arrived and started telling about my suffering and what I saw in my life. I was saying a million things and he told me and told me to go to the kitchen. And he told me to be silent. I was kind of disgusted, but I stayed quiet and watched him cook super slowly and doing a mantra.

I wanted to volunteer to teach English in Asia, I found out and went to Thailand in 2009. There I began to discover a place that enchanted me.

Then I wanted to abandon my doctorate because of Israel and Palestine. The Teacher said “Why not do it about Buddhism? “
I wanted to escape and went to Dharmsala. I kept running away from everywhere, from India I went to Italy and I counted in the posts. I share in my post , a friend of the inn that Thailandia. Julian sent me a message if I wanted to be a hostel attendant. I went, I always felt lost, but I went and I felt at home.

I loved so deeply, and thought it was like my second home in the world. I had already stayed there knowing the world. But one day, my foot got stuck. It simply stuck and I went to Brazil.

But when my foot got stuck I was second and I got better traveling and I was traveling through Brazil and Colombia. When I was told to make a book.

So I have even learned to understand time. I write agitated to write in a book. And dealing with a thousand things in the world, and that’s how I saw it.

I have been writing from my travels, and have been helped by my friends, and a boyfriend. And I wanted to take the book to my friends. But I wanted to go to Burma, and when I was lining up to apply for a visa, I started to feel epilepsy. I was full of emotions, and nothing to be present

A nurse saw me on the street, in Thailand, they will come, and they said that I should go to the hospital.

From there I remember few things, but it was my first coma. My mother said that I spent 30 days in the hospital in Bangkok.
So down. That’s what my my wrote.

“ CRISIS September 2013 – enters a state of “epilepticus” in Bangkok. She is interned from the 2nd to the 20th of September at the St Louis Hospital in Bangkok, trying to control epileptic seizures. She has to be intubated to receive high doses of anticonvulsants (Depakote, Keppra) in addition to cortisone. Ruben and I are going there. When we managed to return to Sao Paulo, we stayed another week at Hospital Samaritano, when Dr. Getulio comments that, this time, the damage had been enormous. With schizophrenia of neurological origin, she undergoes treatment with clozapine with Dr. Euthymia Almeida Prado. doctor Getulio keeps Depakote and cortisone. She goes from 44 kg to about 60 kg. doctor Getulio is terrified and returns to Gardenal. Little by little, she recovers from the hallucinations and Dr Euthymia eliminates Clozapine, which is very bad for her. It’s almost like being reborn, except that she’s reborn as a teenager. She suffers from loss of neurons, from reading ability to cognition.”

It was even difficult to leave the hospital, I was not conscious. And so I had to be allowed to fly and be conscious. I even went from a hospital in one country to another hospital in Brazil.

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For my parents it was even more difficult, than for me. But from my coma, I remember that one day I saw a woman. I remember I was in bed, there were people on the other side and they were arguing, but on the other side I suddenly saw this woman. She looked at me and suddenly asked me if I wanted to live. And I said “yes, because of my grandmother, and my boyfriend” and the people fighting will disappear, and I saw my boyfriend leaving, and my grandmother would fall and it would be difficult to walk

Everything happened, in my coma, but then it happened in my life back in Brazil. But life happened. As the mind should already know.

I returned to Brazil a long time ago, and spent some time away, incapable and revolted.

But the temple floated and I managed to get the treatment, because in the end we didn’t even know very well. We don’t even know much yet.

I tell it daily, imagining what conscience we have, how similar we are. And when we see the base of ourselves, I must accept it as we are.

But I try slowly, slowly, because I try to float to share, how I am managing to share the peace of the way. So because neither the doctors nor I still don’t know who I am.

With love,
Jules

The Brain and and my Mind 2

Thank you for reading. They make me ponder the flow of my life. And you realize that so many things realize that when I write a lot, it activates the brain too much. As my father said “I write slowly, and few things come. “ And that I see, makes me focus, but not write si much. Than I can calms the mind.

I’m going to tell you slowly, because I want to share what my mother clearly left from what she saw, but I see it in a different way. But she saw me very sick. And I think about the facts I think about. This I confess makes me analyze and tears come out. I’ll tempt you how time circles.

my mom says
2009/2010/2011
“In these 3 years she has been doing relatively well and has had very few seizures. He comes to Brazil a few times for a consultation, but the MRI shows no major alterations. Always very reluctant to take the anticonvulsant, the only medication for continuous use prescribed by Getulio.”

For the photos that help me, remember the time and the facts. And how to get to know the trips that will mark the world.
In 2008 I started doing my Masters at the LSE in London and it was on cognitive anthropology. And Ma I see that I traveled around India in September, October and it helped me inside and without seeing. All of this makes me ponder.

I remember I went to India and we happened to go to Dharam Sala. When I arrived there was a Dalai Lama class. I didn’t even want to do it, but Haiko told me “But since you say you don’t have prejudice, let’s see?”

I was doing my Masters in Cognitive Anthropology. And I was already thinking about my PhD. But there in India there was also an internal prison that I couldn’t even understand what it had. I was already terrified that I had gotten sick, in my brain.

I went to see the Dalai Lama’s class and I was moved by so many lamas from other countries and cultures. Haiko and I spoke in English, but I heard two Brazilian women who were next to me.

But the Dalai Lama arrived and everyone was amazed, and his first word was “don’t be a Buddhist, respect all religions, respect what’s inside you”. It touched me, but it didn’t convince me that I was still trapped by the political stuff.

But I say that because it started in me, in New York and thinking about politics, the control of our mind. And I arrived 10 days before September 11, 2001.

All of us foreign students arrive at the university earlier. Discover my friends and all religions, and agnostics and atheists. We begin to realize what the power of religions and their politics is like.

Then, as I had already received a scholarship to study in college, a few years passed and I found out that I had another scholarship to study in Amsterdam. This Scholarship was about international politics. This was in 2004.

I remember my friend Caroline, who is Swiss and was studying psychology, and she said to me “you already won a scholarship to come to the United States, and you already want to run away to go to the other country? You are running away from you.”

Funny, because this sentence was said by my friend from Switzerland, as it was also said by a friend from Israel. And I would go to another country. Just as my friend from Palestine told me “Because he’s still running away from his doctorate” Just as I also wanted to run away from my first marriage, which is in Holland. Just like I wanted to leave London, and I even wanted to escape from Vipassana.

The colleges, and schools of the world made me learn to argue. Then I knew that I wanted to argue with the person responsible for Vipassana.

I remember when I went to explain all the philosophies, and through the mind. She listened in silence and said “Your enemy is your best friend, it’s you”

I stayed just to prove it was easy. It wasn’t, but it was wonderful.

But what I couldn’t escape were my comas. Then I remember Dr. Getulio who said to me “Julieta, you who write, why don’t you tell, about.“

In a coma, I would travel through the hospital, I would travel to another planet. Then you have no way out, and sometimes you come back.

So I write that we have to get to know each other. Discover peace and compassion.

But as my father used to say, I count slowly. But we can improve ourselves as we are.

With Love,
Jules

The brain and my mind

I’m going to share my story of how when I was classified as a patient and to so many who look up to me, my brain was so wrecked and broken. And I know that there are even people who see me, as I was. But many see me that I am incapable of everything. But I tell you why, falls make me learn about life.

In any case, every time I wanted to see countries along the way, I thought that seeing them along the way would suggest the meaning of life. Even before and after being a patient in the Hospital.
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But I want to write, as I still can, and as I perceive how it seems to me to be reported by the brain. So I’ll break down how I was ranked in various ways.

Don’t think that I don’t value medicine, it’s the opposite. It’s the way I understood medicine, like alternative methods and cultures. So I discovered how everything is in our mind. So I’ll tell you slowly.

I started to feel different things and I was 26 years old. I was traveling in Morocco with my husband at that time Haiko Ballieux .

I wanted to go to Morocco for a while. I had left to visit the country of 3 very important people in my life. When I moved to the US in 2001, I met Leila, Mounia and Mustapha in college. All those who will make me teach things in my life. So I wanted to go and see what it was like there. I managed to go there in 2007 .

When I arrived in Marrakesh, Mounia had already done many beautiful things, and had even arranged a trip to the Salar. And I also wanted to go to Rabat, and to Casablanca. As Haiko had to go back to London I decided that I would get to know the country better, as I was getting enchanted.

I continued on to Chefchaouen and was blown away. .
I had been traveling alone for some time and the gentlemen invited me to travel in their car.

He was buying art from Morocco to sell in Spain and he thought it was dangerous for me to travel alone and that he might show me places along the way. I wasn’t afraid, but I thought it would be interesting to see the path, and Ceuta.

But when I was loving traveling around Morocco and the culture, I crossed over from Morocco to Spain. I was in the car and I think the beginning of the warm-up of the mind must have started. I’ve already stayed in a hotel and wanted to go back to Morocco, but without a car.

Going on foot was easy, but crossing the African border into Europe is a shock. From the side of Europe come the Africans who are desperate because nothing has worked in Europe. And when I crossed I saw Africans desperate for a better life on the other side.

I found a taxi and stopped in a city, I don’t remember the name of the city. I just kept thinking about what the border was like. I remember that at the border I was first in the Spaniards’ car, we were white and we didn’t even need to wait for anything, we didn’t even see the black Africans anymore. Already on foot I saw the black Africans and they told me that I should go ahead. I said I was the same as everyone else, but a man said to me “I think you don’t know the reality. “

I couldn’t even say anything because, among whites in Brazil and throughout America, and Latin America, we know how much discrimination there is, and in Europe. I had lived in all these areas of the world.

I remember wanting to stop traveling and go back to Marrakesh. When I arrived I told Moon everything, and that I came by bus and people don’t even respect traditions. The time of Ramadan had begun.

That night I went to sleep and with a thousand thoughts, I started to feel like I didn’t know what was going on in my head. I remember wanting to tell Moon, but getting in the way in the middle of the night. I was so confused I didn’t know what it was. I was afraid, because it seemed that he couldn’t get away from me. Because it happened in the middle of the night.

I started feeling a strong shock in the head and discovered involuntary movements in the fingers of one hand. And so I erased what erases you and the next day I told Mounia.

When I got back to London, I was on the flight and my right hand started moving. Next to me was a doctor, and he asked me if I took the medicine. I told him everything, I never have to take medicine. He told me that I should go see a doctor

I just saw the place of public doctors. First a general doctor came, and I had to tell him what happened, I told him and he called the second one and I had to repeat what I told him, he called the third doctor and told me that I needed to go to the hospital. That is, he realized it was a neurology case.

It made me desperate.

In October 2007 I was admitted to St Mary’s Hospital, in London, where they did an MRI that showed demyelinating lesions in the brain. I fell asleep in the Hospital for the first time.

I go against the hospital’s instructions to collect cerebrospinal fluid, leave the hospital and not take the prescribed anticonvulsants. I had even asked Haiko not to tell my parents.

I started looking for alternative medicine treatments.

But in 2008 and I was talking to my mom, and my Skype words wouldn’t come out. So I wrote it down. It was calm, but my mother bought it quickly to start seeing me sick.

As I left my mother’s writing
“ 2/14/08 – She is speechless while talking to me on Skype. He arrives in Brazil on the same night and is admitted to Hospital Samaritano, where he stays from 02/15 to 02/26, under the care of Dr. Getulio Rabello, neurologist. There she undergoes all kinds of tests and nothing wrong is found, but she already leaves with a slight sequel in her speech (exchange of syllables) and Dr Getulio even suspects Multiple Sclerosis.”

That made me desperate, taking the exam, touching your body, your head, etc.

But I don’t even want to talk about exams. I want to tell you about the positive things. Because I’m learning how many beautiful things we learn through the falls.

It was even in the hospital, I learned that I was accepted for my master’s at the LSE, I wouldn’t have learned cognition. Nor would I have fallen and gone to India and learned Buddhism and meditation.

But I also want to tell slowly because I will be classified with several diseases, and I have also been in the hospital when I didn’t take medication for Epilepsy, and even when I didn’t take it. I already lost talking and walking and coming back. Forget things and remember. I’ve had hallucinations, pain, etc.

But I’m telling little by little that I’m even happier and better than I fell. So every second I breathe, I already see my life. Almost everything is here you need to break free like me,
With love,
Jules

Memory of the Present, the a gift

I haven’t seen my friend Rodrigo Vilela for years and he came to visit me. I’ve been meditating for a while, but I always ask questions about life stories. Even more than my friend. he worked in recycling, and he worked for Globo. So I knew he would have stories around the world. But our meeting made us meditate and quiet our minds.

The story he told me touched me, I thought it should become a movie. It was about a young man, I say he was born in Brazil, in Minas, he was from his little town and he liked philosophy and wanted to be a priest. He had almost no money, but he went to São Paulo and helped students get into college. He couldn’t go himself.

But it was at the time of the dictatorship, and it was just starting, that I saw young people who wanted to study at colleges they didn’t want from people who liked to question.

But it was a phase and even then it was not very accepted to help students. At a certain point he realized that he was going to be killed and had to live in houses and neighborhoods and flee Brazil.

Until that I thought it was one of the most terrible things I’ve ever heard, but life surprised me even more.

He had to flee the country and figure out how he was going to walk to the Bolivian border. I managed to fake the time of a football game.

He went and managed to arrive in Chile and tried to go to Switzerland, Italy and denied. He managed to go to France.

He couldn’t stop wanting to be a priest, he went to learn French and went to the temple and started studying and writing poems.

There he fell in love with the nun, who was there and began to write poems for her. And finally managed to get rid of the books.

It touched me. Because this story wasn’t from the Unknown, but I didn’t know. The story came from the parents of Rodrigo, from my friend , whom we got married at in school and we where the June festival and studied at the Licée Pasteur.

Even more ironic is that my friend is gay. And we are atheists and we like reincarnation better.

Maybe because we feel called in life, and we are still in life. I joke that we are caviar left, but we think, and we are discovering ourselves through meditation. We are together in the spirituality of discovering who we are. Don’t abandon who you are, you can’t even tell how many people help you, you’ve already helped. But that’s how much you’ll see through meditation.

With love Jules

Sho and Vietnam 1

Sho was a special friend, since I met him in New York, in 2001. But we knew each other through the world and through time. And he did, and he thought of the other, and when he left he was waking up. He always did the act of standing up for others, but he always didn’t see his worth.

Sho would go to college at night and I would go to college in the morning, but it was André Akamine who introduced us. We went to an Indian restaurant. And to this day it’s my favorite food. It was around this time in 2001 that I started to learn about the traditions of India.

The last time I traveled to Asia was in 2018. I wanted to introduce my husband to Asia, we were in Laos and we knew that Sho was nearby. He told us that he was going to celebrate his birthday in Vietnam.

In India, I learned that food is the mind that brings us health. Back in India, I started drinking 2 liters of water a day, water and tea. I didn’t even drink coffee in Brazil, but I did in the Middle East, and now I drink coffee🙂. But the last time Sho introduced us to Vietnam, he introduced me to egg coffee.

Since I’d been in Asia for so long, and I had always been told it was dangerous and ugly, from people who probably had never been there, I always knew you’ll never quite know about the beautiful things in the world.

But I’ve already said, normally those who speak ill of Asia, should not go there. I love discovering new countries and areas. And I also know that Sho had lived in several cities, as I have, but which makes us more open to the world than ever. It’s an eye

So we celebrated his birthday and learned a thousand touching and wonderful things. As I learned from the occupation of Vietnam, which was both French and American. But what touched me the most about colonization around the world was learning from the lamas about not going to war. They meditated while being burned.

Also, how do we drink coffee with eggs? A lot of people are disgusted to try it, but it’s tasty and we learned the story.

“First created in Hanoi in 1946, egg coffee is the brainchild of Nguyen Van Giang. In response to the pressures of a milk shortage caused by the French War (also known as the First Indochina War). Giang introduced an egg as a much-needed substitute for milk while working as a bartender at the Sofitel Legend Metropole. I always say the Sofitel Legend Metropole is worth a visit in Asia. But I also said that the first time I went to London. So I went to see Sho, and I was with my friend Pet from Hong Kong. But Sho was working in a bank. So I say the world is like that. And years later I was in London, and Sho was in another country.

But for me to tell you little by little, how I started to learn to travel alone, when we were in Bolivia. But it helped me around the world, I always feel like it’s there. But Sho was the best for his advice. I’ve traveled in Latin America, Africa, Europe, the Middle East and Asia and I love the world.

With love, Jules

Mandala and Lotus in Impermanence

I always wanted to write a book, but little by little like a Lotus Flower, and in the middle of a Mandala. And these days on my way I discovered how Lotus is our life.

I learned that it is one of the most important symbols for Buddhism. And my first coma in Thailand in 2013, I almost died and with a lot of brain damage. But even if I had seen it, I didn’t know how much it meant. And actually it wasn’t even the first time I’ve been to Asia. It has help me to understand how I feel.

It wasn’t even the first time I went to Thailand, the first time I volunteered to teach English even with the children once. It wasn’t even the time I worked at an inn. I had dropped out of my PhD at the LSE, and I didn’t even know what I wanted to do and I went to India again. Even more lost and they’ll call me the Mut Mee Inn. In a funny way because I felt more at home.

But when I first went to India, and I already had my first epileptic seizure, I was classified as I was. It happened in Morocco and I went to London and they started seeing me as a patient. And indeed, every year changes what neurologists think. And indeed we know that the mind and the brain are a mystery.

But it was in 2013 that I wrote a book in English, based on my blogs. This book is called Mosaic, which makes me smile because life is ironic.

Funny, it wasn’t even the first time I went to Asia, it was in 2004. For the first time I went to visit the house of a friend from China, and she came here to Ubatuba.

Says my mother, who” in 2007 – woke up in the middle of the night, at a friend’s house in Morocco, feeling a strong shock in her head and noticing involuntary movements in the fingers of one hand. Although scared, she goes back to sleep and, the next day, she can’t even tell if it was real or a dream. On the plane, already back in London, where she was living, she again feels the involuntary movements of the fingers of that hand.”

But I remember that I wanted to keep it a secret, I even stopped talking once and went to the hospital and 2008
I ended up in the hospital in Brazil.
I did a lot of exams, and here comes fear and frustration, and Dr Getulio even suspects Multiple Sclerosis. And that still questioned everything.

Then I went to India, hoping to get to know another culture. I graduated as an Anthropologist, and music.

There I started to admire the culture and I learned about Buddhism without even realizing it. Sometimes I feel that what we are is already inside and nobody has to convince you. Sometimes since 2008

Now that I have my house, I’m even told it looks Asian. I see daily everything that reminds me that I went through the world, and reminds me of those who came. And in a way I feel more for the world. As much as I lived around the world, and all my friends who came here.

I never traveled in the elite, nor could I nor wanted to. But I did couchsurfer and hosted , and friends around the world. That’s how I feel about the world. Sometimes I can’t call it a place, but a flow through the channel.

My first time going to India, I ended up in Dharamshala. There I got more into Buddhism and didn’t even realize it. I was so moved to see Tibetan lamas doing the Mandala and undoing. That made me understand why I was never so attached to some things, but it was in Ubatuba that I got more into Buddhism, I understood.

In a way, it even reminds me of college mates and chouch. They came from Heartburn, America, Latin America, Africa and the Middle East. In other words, the people of the world. .All of them made me learn so many things, but in a way Heartburn is more present.

I was at a party, and when I entered the house with a flag of Tibet, I asked the lady if she was a Buddhist and she said no. I told him that I had been to India and had happened to arrive on the day of the Dalai Lama’s class.

Already, already with the prejudices, I went to send a message to a Buddhist friend and I met her in the Dalai Lama’s class, in India. She introduced me to HH Karmapa, and I didn’t even know who he was. And because of her I met many Lamas.

I wasn’t even looking yet. But it would always appear in my routine. I know that the next day this lady texted me and said “You know you don’t have to go to Asia to see a monk. Here comes a Lama from Nepal.”

Precisely to find out who this Lama from Nepal was. But that year I started to participate more in the Buddhism meetings.

Every week I meditate and learn Buddhism. My new friends Thalita and Ana Paula and who make us lose something, let go of something we don’t even care about, but it’s giving up things that attach us. Just as we have to let go, how to keep the departed.

This year she realized that she was more attached to one thing. It was a cup of tea my friend gave me and passed away. It was my concern to lose what he symbolized to me. But when I broke it, I understood what a Mandala was. It was there that I learned that nothing holds our mind, as long as we want to.

It was from my friend Sho. I met him in New York at an Indian restaurant. He studied at the same college and wrote me a letter and sent me a message on paper. It said he thinks we met a long time ago. At the time I thought it was a silly letter. But Sho’s family is from India.

But Sho became a friend that I met in several countries. And he was home several times, and a few times before he passed away. I ended up in the hospital because things attack me emotionally. A thing of the mind and your spirit is here. My meditation fluctuates with your release.

This touches my soul because it starts to recognize me as I am. This one recognizing me and wanting to share how we fell and were reborn. And I am enormously grateful, as ana paula told me today.
“We have to open new channels” and I hope they come to visit me “Go with the flow, relaxed”.

But with my comas, I feel like the mandala and the flowers and the lotus, I feel that I write in my own way, I make mistakes, but I follow the path.

With love
Jules

The Value of Silence

Meditation is helping me profoundly to feel better.

I’ve been meditating even in bed when I go to sleep, and even when I wake up. And I even learn from silence, and I see a debate within you. I used to wake up very early, and even before sunrise, and I don’t sleep much, and it turns into a headache.

It even helped me with my anger, contrary to what I think. And even realizing who is angry, and internal pain.

And even when I’m verbally attacked, I always try to fight for the words. I try to let go of the words, we can let go

Our fight is internal, and I’ve always been one to run away from what disagreed with me. And I feel like I’m even dealing with how I’m trying to simply listen to the anger of someone who attacks me. I even feel compassion, because it’s not easy to deal with as we are.

Now I see that the other’s is yours. So, how do I see that I even see my aggressiveness in my words. I try to be quieter, and observe. Even I understand the value of the word of silence, like love and not like listening, and thinking negatively.

But I’m always one of the words, but I try to decolonize my mind. And I learned more from my friend Ruan. I always learn from talking with others.

Yesterday I learned with Ruan, and he is 5 years old. I was sitting in the hammock and he was on the sofa, which was in front. He’s shy. And there were 5 adults and my friend Ruan. I had told him that I’m not an aunt, I’m my friend Jules.

I made a throw-a-throw-me gesture. I thought of joking and looked him in the eye. He had once learned to look with compassion.

He looked at me, surprised at first and then he started to stare more and more with one eye wide open. Then I started to surprise myself. He kept looking me in the eyes and I looked and made the gesture of throwing the pillow.

That was on my mind. He got up and walked over and came back. And I made the same gesture to play, but he got up and went to touch my hand.

I was so surprised and touched. He came back and sat on the sofa. I asked what I was seeing.

He was quiet, and I was thinking and I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t mean it was a game. He had looked deeply. I said “I traveled the planet, and you”. And he said “I saw you Santa Claus”

That touched me, made me see that silence is profound. What we see is what we want. So I feel the silence, a meditation is compassion.

So I try. Though it has always been about debate, escape, meditation reminds us that silence sets us free. And all compassion.

With love, Jules

India is in my Soul

The 19, how can I not remember India. I celebrated my birthday in Ubatuba, but how was India not part of me? How Buddhism and Taoism will not be part of my soul.

Even more so when he reminded me how my teachers Marcelo and Rafaela were part of the defense of the protection of indigenous peoples in Brazil. And my friend Sho, who I introduced and his family come from India, and they both lived in India.Or Paulo, who I met because of my grandmother. And, of course, India was part of his life. I even wonder how it could be non-person if you stayed more than a month in India.

I even remember writing “This reminded me that I planned to leave Delhi as soon as I arrived. Every part of my body was present within hours. My soul ached with a pain probably as old as the Vedic texts. I wanted to escape, go to Thailand and float in the comfort of the Mekong. India has not left me. India is like that she talks to you, she screams, she pushes you and squeezes you and you better listen quickly to what she’s saying. By the way, you better understand that she will turn you inside out and it’s up to you to heal your own wounds.”How could I not have remembered.

November 19th is my birthday. I always remember Asia. Asia reminded us that we have to learn and be present, with a five year plan. It reminded me of traveling alone and always made me present. And be people’s lives.

But nowadays, I feel like this. I met Lamas around the world, and I even had the good fortune to meet a Lama from Nepal, in Ubatuba.

Perhaps what struck me the most is that presence is not physical, it’s how our souls meet spirit and it’s not material. Tears flowed when Thalita meditated from Tharam Sala on the 19th and didn’t even know it was my birthday this year.

But the first time I was in ), Dharamsala) in India, I took a class with Karmapa and Dalai Lama. And I didn’t plan this. It was the first time I met Denise, and she got me interested in Buddhism.

Or that I met her years ago.
I myself are in so many languages ​​and in so many countries that it’s hard to explain. I’m even grateful I’m in a coma to have time to observe. I’m even friends with Anna Paula, I’ve even never met her and we meditate every week.

And life is so funny that when André came to Thailand to celebrate his birthday, he liked it so much, he found it very similar to Ubatuba. The fact is, we have to realize that we had to be present. Sometimes we think it’s a place where it’s above our mind. Sometimes we have to realize that maybe we have to find the people who are on the same path.

So on my birthday I asked people to talk, it touched me when my mother-in-law said that we didn’t get close, by chance. That people get close to people like ourselves. As if it were a spiritual thing.

on my birthday, I asked everyone to talk about their life, what inspires their spiritual life.

It’s hard to be present, but we all have freedom of our mind. Last night I went to bed early and woke up with a Thunder. It was so hard and I was a little scared. I was never afraid to travel the world alone. But all I fear is my brain. I admired the power of nature, where I asked for the protection of the sky of nature and the only thing I could do was meditate and come to my mind.

So even broke, older, India is like that she talks to you, she screams, she pushes you and squeezes you and you better listen quickly to what she is saying. By the way, you better understand that she will turn you inside out and it’s up to you to heal your own wounds.

Love Jules

A Little Philosopher

“It’s as if everything goes back and forth in the sea, but in the pool everything seems to stop. But the sea, it comes and goes. And sometimes it comes in a way that is different.

The profound philosophy came from a six-year-old boy. I was walking along the beach, and talking to people. It was very sunny, and her mother said that the rest of the family was at the inn’s swimming pool. She told me she was from the countryside, she knows the heat, but little of the rain was loving it.

She preferred to go back to the pool, but the boy tried to explain to me why he liked the sea better. It touched me, he didn’t want to keep silent, he didn’t want to talk on the phone, he wanted to see nature.

“He told me that seeing the sea, he saw that everything goes and comes back in different ways.” And he told me amazing things about his creativity, and I encouraged him.

As I have a degree in cognitive anthropology, I am curious to know what I see and this boy’s mind is so different from the children I see here.

I copied Monja Coen, to be the child too. And I’ve volunteered with children in London and Thailand. I always put myself, as if I were a child.

I also wonder why I was so taken by the Internet. And not seeing the circle of life and trapped by the phones.

So these days I’m trying to use the phone less.

I woke up several times and remembering the people I met these days. They made me be there.

As I said, the Lama would have said about the effects of a telephone, and not being present.

I met a nutritionist and she told me I should have a routine.

I know I would have a routine of walking and doing yoga in the morning. And in the afternoon I was walking and I saw two women who were taking pictures. Thus began our conversation.

The conversation talked through the photo, to Buddhism, spiritualism and gratitude for nature. It turned into a walk and a friendship began.

He walked the walk, the conversation, the stories and even watching the sea.

The young philosopher is right

“ It’s as if everything goes back and forth in the sea, but in the pool everything seems to stop. But the sea, it comes and goes. And sometimes it comes in a way that is different.”

Our friends come and go. They appear in a different way. And the new ones that have arrived and aren’t in the prison of a phone, remind us of who we are. The best is our journey.

And this little philosopher also told me that he saw these in the games, and the shells don’t even come.

Yeah, I’m glad I went down and got a philosophy professor, and he reminded me that nature makes us see life.

But this little philosopher said to me “That’s cool Jules, I didn’t even bring a phone. “”

Gratitude