This past weekend I celebrated my 44th birthday, right in the middle of nature in the Atlantic Forest area. It’s precisely there that I’ve been living to recover my health and learn the value of all beings on Earth. Everything I learned before, as if it were literature, I’ve come to live and celebrate in this place, defending the environment. This time I attended lectures by the beings we’ve learned about from this land, from our lives.

I heard about defending nature, animals, and how nature could learn from the vegan nutritionist, which reminded me of how veganism helped me understand my illness. We practiced yoga and meditation, and our diet was vegan.

Well, I am the one who recovered from 2 comas and brain injuries, epilepsy, hallucinations, body image issues, vision problems, etc. And as I always said, I balance “diet, meditation, and medicine.” There I saw so many who understand this path of ours and the depth of our lives. Even though I still take medication, and I no longer avoid medicine as I once did.

So I have to tell you about when I came to live in the Atlantic Forest. I’ve known it since I was born, but it was just a vacation spot. But right around the time of COVID, I left São Paulo and went to live in Ubatuba. I was vegetarian, and sometimes I went back to eating meat. But now I’m vegan.

But before 2021 I had already been in my hospital hotel, I had already had permanent diagnoses. Can you imagine, like Multiple Sclerosis, Nervous System problems, Hypoglossal Neuritis, Schizophrenia, Cerebral Vasculitis and even Stroke..

My first epileptic seizure was in 2007, in Marrakech, Morocco. And as my mother observed, I even went to doctors and hospitals to see what it was; that persistent seizure didn’t seem so wrong, but it was unavoidable. But, from the hospital’s point of view, from what I understood, it was their way of trying to understand my brain. But every time they had to change what was.

Even I, avoiding medicine, but also taking medication, ended up in the hospital and my brain being destroyed. In other words, whether taking medication or not, I ended up, jokingly, in my hospital hotel.

Well, in 2021, as I already mentioned, my last brain injury was in 2021. And in fact, the last brain injury was in 2021, and they told me to eat meat since I had low vitamin B12 levels. I also had to take cortisone and rituximab at the Samaritano Hospital. This time it was autoimmune encephalitis.

But once again, I’m not saying anything was wrong with the medicine; it was an attempt to find out. But I would say, I must have had very poor nutrition, with no balance whatsoever, even deficiencies in vitamin D. I lived in Lima, Peru, where I didn’t even see the sun. This second time the pain started in 2016, and my second coma was in 2017

Back in 2021, with this last injury, as I always rejected medicine, I decided to eat meat. This last injury was difficult. I lost my ability to speak, and even to understand what it was, even though my speech therapist was showing it to me. I didn’t remember what it was. And it was even harder to focus.

But this time it gave me cholesterol and I couldn’t speak, I was hallucinating, and it was difficult to focus. This time it was my new diagnosis: “Autoimmune Encephalitis,” which Dr. Rodrigo de Holanda found. And today it makes sense to me; it’s related to what I eat.

In 2022, right there in Ubatuba, I met people who practice meditation, and I decided to go back to being vegetarian. I went to a nutritionist, started eating eggs, cheese, vegetables, etc., and learned to drink coffee an hour after eating so as not to lose iron and calcium, something I didn’t even understand myself, but my husband always had to help me remember.

That month I started meeting friends on these different philosophical paths, and even vegans. That’s when I started being present, and it even helped me to write. Even though I couldn’t write, and it’s still difficult, and reading.

In 2023, I was vegetarian. At the end of the year, I had a blood test, and my cholesterol was high. That’s when my neurologist, Dr. Rodrigo de Holanda, said it was genetic. Well, I decided I would find out more about what it was than what I ate. This October, until 2023, I decided to be vegan, just to prove it’s not genetic.

I came to learn about Ayurveda from my friend Rafaela, who is a psychologist, anthropologist, and lived in India to learn Ayurveda.

It was right there that I started to recover my health. I began to learn that the new diagnosis, autoimmune encephalitis, is about immunity, and I feel it’s closely related to what I eat.

But never in my life, I knew nothing about nutrition. It was there that I discovered what is most inflammatory.

This change in my diet has led me to hear from non-vegans, “Wow, it’s so hard to find vegan food, wow, you’re bothering so many people, wow, why do we have to listen to where there’s protein, wow, you’re going to get sick, etc.” And all we vegans and gluten-free eat are things that have brought me health, but this only works if we learn about our vitamins, calcium, iron, zinc, omega-3. We find so many things in our food, but not vitamin B12.. And I discovered this by having to learn what I eat.

It was right around the time I started learning that the biggest profit there is is medicine and hospitals. As I jokingly say, the hospital is my hotel, and I always realize that about 90 percent of my cases are due to diet. Either it’s a vitamin deficiency, inflammation, or eating all sorts of dietary mistakes.

‘m not saying anything against medicine, I’m just saying we need to learn where it comes from. Perhaps the difficult part is that we don’t learn how our bodies function without food.

But it was during this change that I started to get closer to animals, watching documentaries, and living close to nature. It makes you more present, more than dealing with fashion; it became my fashion, where so many things we use come from causing animals to suffer. But it made me observe my own existence. It makes you observe the timing of everything

I’ve lived in 8 wonderful countries, but I barely noticed how many animals there were, let alone what was lacking in my food. All to respect the culture, but not my own existence or that of other beings.

So, my dears, as I said in the other post when I was in a coma, a woman asked me, “Do you want to live or die?”

Today I would say, “Life never disappears, but I want to acknowledge that all beings on this earth… And never hurt or kill. I want to share with everyone their health, which comes from respecting everything on earth, from seeing its impermanence. It is there that one understands compassion and feels at peace.” This is what made me return to my soul.

This made me feel compassion for the diagnoses that Dr. Getúlio Rabello, Dr. Rodrigo de Holanda, and Euthymia helped me to live again and understand my brain.

And as Dr. Getúlio Rabello used to tell me, “you should write about what you feel to help patients and doctors.” I’m talking about food; it seems that being vegan reduces inflammation in my brain.

But my mind was drawn to these meditation groups, so many focused on Buddhism, Mindfulness, and tantric meditation. This helped me understand our minds. The pain helped me understand meditation; it brings us conscience.

With Love , Jules

My dear friends, I love sharing my lessons, my falls, and I see the beauty of life in beginning to learn.

It mainly started during moments of contradiction in my brain, but I feel it right there in my mind.

Even with the words I already felt at that moment, I sensed the possibility of what I didn’t want to hear. I was born already feeling the injustice of our world, but I didn’t perceive all of this internal struggle; I looked at it from the outside. In a way, an internal loneliness devalued my existence.

Some words from Buddhism made me realize that the basis of my suffering is indeed dissatisfaction and the attachment of my brain and my mind. The pain from there comes anger, jealousy, my ego. In fact, the illness begins to become apparent. It’s the path of trying to diminish it.

Yes, it did take a while to realize I could be happy, to be present. But it started in 2007 when I was 26 years old and had my first epileptic seizure and began losing parts of my brain. This happened when I was in Morocco. From there I started traveling to India and learning about Buddhism.

I had two Comas, one in Thailand and another in Peru, in São Paulo. There I felt a strong loss of areas of my brain. But my last brain lesions were in 2021. But it’s not the pain, it’s the brain, it’s our mind.

In 2021, my last lesion was very hard; losing the ability to speak, write, read, and being lost in my mind. Or rather, I would say, the certainties of the mind don’t forget, but I couldn’t explain it to another person. But along the way, without my own words being very clear, came meditation and veganism, and feeling nature. Sometimes, lost, even touching a tree to understand myself, the earth as Mother Earth, and trying to write and listen to what I write.

And there, even with brain injuries, I felt the silence and the meditations. Today I try to observe the flow of thought and even observe the pain, the breath, the separation, and just observe the impermanence of everything. I learned to always look at any situation in a positive way. And in fact, this helped me recover.

This even made me start to observe if I had other lives, or future lives. But suddenly, as you can see, there our silence is considered selfish because of our silent attack on the minds of all of us.

This fall made me observe the present; almost everything is similar. I even start to see my cats, how the new one is jealous, that psychologically we think we came from my life. But there we see, through recordings, that the cats alone don’t fight in silence when we leave, but when we arrive, the fights and the drama begin, wanting us to see and demonstrate.

So many people consider only human beings to be elevated, enlightened, but I feel that every being has the potential for fear, ego, jealousy, and anger, just like us. I even feel it’s not by chance that my cat Dao appeared by chance; she may be a being who came close to me as a human being who can become enlightened. I even feel that for a human being to feel more elevated, it seems like a form of ego.

Veganism changed me, as did Buddhism and my friends, who seem to be in a spiritual way. We began to deal with compassion for all beings.

My existence has always been about words, but losing words and experiencing errors in my brain made me identify more with acts like cats, because I don’t quite understand what they want to demonstrate.

That made me identify a lot with the film Flow; it identifies the different animals, without words, it made me see the beauty of existence, which isn’t identical to the origins of a being. That reminded me that losing my mind isn’t about the mind.

It makes me think, dear patients, it’s not this loss that signifies negativity, it’s more about where the decolonization of the mind begins.

That’s where we can begin to discover the origin of the pain that comes from relaxation, from dissatisfaction, from impermanence, and discover the ego, jealousy, anger, and we can’t even perceive this impermanence; we just need to see the consciousness of our existence.

There I am trying to lessen these mistakes of mine, trying all the right actions.

It always makes me ponder how, during my first coma, a woman came to me and asked, “Do you want to live or die?”, as if she were Tara, since it happened in a Buddhist country. But a girl asked me what I would say if it happened again during my third coma. I think it’s been two years that I’ve always pondered this. Today I think that our existence never disappears.

We just need to evolve from our mistakes, from our minds, from our souls, it made me see that we are all the same lives, and evolve in our compassion for everything. There it is where it is comin peace.

With love Jules

I really have to let go of this Chico thing in my mind.

But this time it’s difficult. I stayed with André and Chico and tried to eat in my little house, and he doesn’t even notice that everything is being eaten by the ant. Ju always stays by my side so I can eat, but she’s traveling like this. André doesn’t notice my anger, and this soft food that the ant makes. Or worse, does he notice my anger and wants me to evolve?

But it’s difficult, since Chico, even worse, has a chef’s palate and eats everything and invades all the food in the big house; he opens the oatmeal, the bread, the papaya, and these human beings can’t even imagine everything he invades. If I tried to stay close to André, he would go and run to get to everything.

It’s hard that they put me, like you, as a cat psychologist. And one hour into the office, three seconds later he jumps on another chair and I started doing the same thing with anger, hatred and worse, I’m not even like myself and I’m depressed.

I’ve been getting really sad about how I used to be, alone at home with birds, rats and possums visiting, and now Chico lives at home every day and he had even told me that I had to adapt. I had adapted to Gandhi who always comes to eat. Or rather, before everything was better, from this inpermanence they say, I couldn’t even imagine how it was before it was better. Is it time for me to realize how it will even be that more cats will appear?

But at least Jules understands. But I see that before I could go to the house in São Paulo, then to her friend Lu’s house, and to Joana Maura’s house and I wouldn’t do anything. But if Chico went to their house, he would do it until we cats could no longer exist. This time Ju went traveling and I had to stay home.

But because you made me think about what Jules means to me. And I never thought she meant anything. And that question made me forget a lot about Chico.

Even worse whenJules arrived and didn’t even see me, just looking at nothing very clear, as if she was like Chico too. Worse still, in the middle of the night I screamed because I wanted to catch a lizard.

But I could say that “My unbalanced words are the luxury of my silence.” Clarice Lispector

When she saw the lizard, she wanted to teach me that life has value, but then I saw the hypocrisy since Jules also put poison on the ant. Since she doesn’t want to let me kill the bird, and worse, the lizard, and she wanted to talk about beautiful things. Well, her psychology made me lose focus on Chico’s hatred, she turned to Jules who doesn’t even help me with what I want.

Well,

If you are on the right path, go forward; if you are on the wrong path, go back. Lao Tse

Recuo das reflexões, isso me afasta de estar presente .

Dao

As my memory is faulty, I can even see that it is beautiful. Because there are indeed some things that mark us. But so many things have disappeared, that’s okay

Yes, some things stuck with me. One was Lama Lobsang who said pain is a gift. And Dr. Getúlio Rabello told me I should write what I felt when I got sick. It left an impression on me like last year I would say to a girl when I told her about my coma. This makes me ponder.

In my first coma, I saw a woman who asked me if I wanted to live or die. I remember I said I wanted it because of my grandmother, and my boyfriend at that time. This is something spiritual in my opinion, and I don’t even know who it is. That was in 2013.

Well, it’s not that girl I told, she told me “And if it were now, what would you say.”

It touched me so much and I didn’t even know what to respond. Today I think my downfall, my injuries brought me more happiness, learning how to observe pain, and being around these new friends, and people who didn’t abandon me like I was.

I think I love life, and it reminds me of my first neurologist Dr Getúlio who told me, “You write well, intelligently because instead of books why don’t you write for us doctors. You have to describe what you feel.”

What I would say to Dr Getúlio, “you shouldn’t scare the patient, try where I felt the pain. You can breathe and move the pain to another place. You can help me realize that pain is your friend to find out. What if You know how to meditate, you will be able to do it even if you dominate your mind, but you need to see that pain is your friend to help you, it wants to show you how to live, that’s how we are born, but you know, we have to observe pain and protect our mind, and take it away. fear. Fear harms our lives”

I would also tell him that he should tell his patients that we use 3 percent of the brain, and I only learned about it after my brain injuries . There, in that moment of despair, we have to encourage thinking about the positive things about falls, not the negative things. Even stimulating other areas of the brain that I never used. I would even say that food is very related to the mind, it helps me recover. I knew none of this before my illness, which changes its name all the time

Well, I, with brain injuries, write wrong, not ashamed of mistakes due to disability, I like to write everything for everyone, peace, the soul doesn’t get stuck in the negative, my mistakes make me do everything slowly. And I even counted my mistakes of the soul.

These days I opened up to Monja Tenzin and my new friends after my injuries

You know since 2013 that I always think I was invented, it goes back and forth in my mind.

Nun Tenzin told me
“You who had 2 comas and brain injuries have improved a lot, but it’s still not everything, but you have to think about how well you are, sometimes you can create new fantasy scenarios. It may not be. good for avoiding negative things.

And even if it’s true 💚, whatever we can do, that’s okay. Even if we can do it. If people don’t like us, but we let it in our hearts let it go down. Think only about positive things. “

So yes, you know, I would tell everyone if I’m better it’s because I want to encourage everyone not to get stuck in a classification of a disease, and injuries. In fact, my blog is classified as decolonind my Mind. But it is in Portuguese.

.
Before, I didn’t even know what I wanted to decolonize from. Today I think I don’t want to decolonize the prisons of my mind and want to prove it.

I write to understand that if I had this coma and this girl came, I must make everyone realize that we have lost the speed of being present. It even makes me observe everything with compassion.

So if I had the third coma, I would say “I want to live close to people with beautiful spirituality to tell about my ego, and discover what I want to free myself from and tell so that no one is trapped in a classification of illness as if we don’t exist, because that’s where we discover the beauty of existence

But you know, we don’t need another coma, but it is in our fall that we will slowly realize that the Pain comes from the spiritual side of the people around you and you didn’t even realize it. There I see the beauty of life

With Love Jules.

Confesso no começo foi minha raiva do André gostar mais do Chico de mim, depois virou de ficar uma solidão

Agora to começando de adorar , que virou a Solitude e observar o som dos pássaros quando estou na casinha que a Ju me deixou dormir e ficar quieta. Melhor de onde é a natureza , sem o Chico.

Até consigo comer a comida que ninguém pega e ser até em paz, mas se saio em qualquer lugar que vou elevai. Se estou indo para fazer xixi , e chico corre para colocar o dele. Se tem um minuto pula no lugar meu, por sorte a Ju não deixa

Já até estou perdendo a minha voz de gritar, pior sempre o chico quer me procurar até se eu estou sentada com a Ju e se escondia , agora já vai. Ali é minha única chance de ater perder até da solitude.

Quando a Ju vê ele corre encima de mim, e o André acha que é a amizade eu me escondo. A Ju sobe na árvore e me chama, Dao sobe.

Ali, vimos a nossa Solitude magnifica. Ficamos escutando os pássaros e o Mar nem precisamos pensar de nada, pelo menos assim encontramos o vazio.Que coisa maravilhosa que estou até admirando a minha solitude do lado de quem entende.
Dao

Out of all my sadness, I sat on the chair in the garden, Julieta who was already so sad, and André looking for Chico on the street.

But when Julieta sat on the beach chair in the garden, I felt and even heard the birds flying and I even wanted to tell her friend that Chico had disappeared, she said.

“A cat doesn’t have an owner, he’ll be back soon.”

André who was only really into Chico, but he started to stay close to me, Julieta meditating and the house was peaceful again.

I had even forgotten that peace, Gandhi came without a fight.

I don’t know where Gandhi goes and lives, sometimes he eats my food here. But I had already forgotten that I was the only cat who could sleep in the bed, it’s good to sleep without Chico.

But this morning when I woke up, Julieta calling “André, André, André, Dao Call Andre, Chico is back.”

To shock me even more, he came in my arms. He didn’t even run away, Chico walked in my arms. How he wants to copy me, how.

All my sadness came back stronger, sadness came back with anger.

I’m the only cat who doesn’t run away just for food. And worse, they want to make me a community.

Only if it’s so I can evolve from my ego.

Dao

Dao’s Words

I hate that Chico disappeared. I lived here for many years.

years. He arrived this year.

Actually, I hate that he came, but I hate it even more that he disappeared.

First, he was trapped in the big house, didn’t want to leave, and then he wasn’t afraid like I was for months to trust Julieta and André.

I hate that my healthy food has already gone to take my food, my play things that I don’t like, and I would watch Julieta playing with Chico. It’s silly because Chico is very young.

Worse, he lay down in our house, our bed, and even learned to get into the refrigerator.

Julieta left the refrigerator closed so he would never go in again, and I was jealous. I’ve never done that, I’m polite, so when she left I went in. I wanted to show that I’m not afraid of being trapped. And when it was closed, and she opened it to not leave. I wanted to show her my house. I didn’t run away like him, and to compare, I fought a war not to take my favorite food.

But today he disappeared, and I live here, and he’s only been here for a few months, and my anger became my concern.

How can I not watch him play, he climbs on the roof and I also played with him?

But I always traveled by car when I went on trips, but I had already stayed here and when I came back he always stayed here.

How I miss my anguish of not being here to share my food.

I wonder if he got hurt badly by Ghandi, maybe he got lost, I think all three of us are worried.

Dao

Dao, changed my life, better she will tell .

I used to watch birds, without any responsibility, and one day a cat showed up at home.

André was in love with the cat, and I was happy that the cat was free from nature, but I thought about the birds that flew and ate right next to us. We don’t even know if this cat was male or female for a long time. And I didn’t even consider that it would stay at home.

One day, we were traveling from Ubatuba to Guaratinguetá. And when we arrived, André suddenly said, “Ju, the cat is here.”

I thought it was impossible, how could I have gone, but in the end it was the same cat.

At my in-laws’ house, where they have dogs. Well, the cat was afraid of all of us. The dogs tried to check who was there, and we wanted to bring food and stay close.

It took a week and the cat was scared to death. And I was scared 🙂, of knowing what it does?

André told me, “Now you have to accept the house cat.”

I confess, I thought it was a disaster. It would eat the birds and I wouldn’t even see them. But life is funny, and I also started thinking about names it would be.

If I found out it was female, it would be Tara, if it was male, it would be Gandhi, but until we know, Dao or Tão (from Taoism). Anything that was in the style of Azia.

I immediately went to ask friends who have cats and for advice. I, who always love not having responsibility, have already been told. They even taught me that I need to have a vet, choose a pet shop, I should have my cat neutered and buy a cat box.

I even found out about the food selection, which was almost surreal, even considering it absurd, like what kind of wine I can afford 🙂

André was shocked that I would even bring a little house for Dao. And toys, yes, we need the transport box. Even without knowing if we would consider keeping it close to Dao.

Dao ran a search under the car, and was terrified of the dog.

But when Manuel managed to put him in the transport box, Dao saw inside the car, not in the engine.

There he started changing everything.

But now I’ll let Dao say what he thinks. Especially since a new cat has arrived.

Fortunately, along the way, they even make me understand the prisons of my mind. I see that meeting people along the way makes me think about all those who are not locked into concepts, but know that the mind is only in this void that frees us from our prisons.

And it’s on this path, it’s these friends who don’t let themselves be trapped by concepts, they’re the ones who make me help our mind, they help me to free myself.

This touched me so much, so much medicine, my dangerous wounds, medicine, ayuasca will make me hallucinate. The good thing is that faith and meditation are what free me the most from presence.

It transforms the sensory faculty, I understand how we lose consciousness, it transforms the body, the mind like a hallucination. I know how spiritual something can feel, but to me it feels like it comes from losing awareness of where it’s coming from.

This for me started hallucinating since I had my first coma. And it seems that I took a lot of medicine in the hospital, and even psychiatry and neurology, ayuaska, but I feel like the mind can be freed.

I loved learning that, among all the hallucinations, we should not fight with them, not follow the thought.
We must be conscious of our thinking.

I felt so happy, I was just trying to stay present, and encouraging my friends doesn’t discourage illness, injury, etc. I want to demonstrate how, on our path, we can help our minds. I even feel the beauty of our losses. For me, it’s knowing how to be present.

In those years, I came to see the beauty in the simplicity of people who don’t even want to show it.

I loved these days and André and I went to sleep with the natives of Waiampy, which is in Amapa. The Kikiwa shaman who did not take Ayuaska, because he is too sensitive to take it. And even though he doesn’t speak Portuguese much and I don’t even know how to speak his language, we still talk. I was close to indigenous people from different regions of Brazil.

It touched me to meet and talk with Benki Piyãko, about the trees and the plantation. He taught me to plant local things, not bring them from outside Brazil. We come from Ubatuba Araça, and we also plant Jussaras there.

So, writing makes me look at indigenous people, it even makes me think of the ancient teachings of Taoism and respect for nature, like even Siddhartha who stands next to the tree and becomes the Buddha and rises.

So those of us who accept hallucination and even see that there is a variety of what is real. But on my journey, the hallucinations, the illnesses, the injuries are almost a duality of what is or is not. On this path, gratitude makes me present.

With love Jules