The Train of Impermanence- Macchu Picchu

I climb fast the Machu Picchu. I had been there in about 10 or 12 years ago. I was amazed by it. This time I was amazed because it reminded me Cambodia with tons of people taking pictures. It felt more important registering their presence than actually being there. I felt sad and disappointed. I sat down while Andre went to see the place. It was my birthday and I felt sad.



I could no longer climb the Huayna Picchu this time because I had to have bought a ticket, and there was soooo much people doing it. While Andre walk I saw people controlling the travellers with a whistle. You can no longer touch the llamas.


Andre as usual found a road that was more quiet and I walked there. He claim and  explain to me the obvious there are too many people in the world. And more people should be allowed to see it. If I wanted to go to a non populated place we should go to the less known places.It was true and I think now about Kyrgyzstan.


I proposed to go down and try to take a train back to Ollantaytambo sooner. There was a strike last week so I was uncertain whether it would be possible. What I was not prepared for at all was for the queue to take the bus down to Aguas Calientes. That took more than an hour in the queue.



By the time I arrived in the train station I actually told Fernando (the officer) it was my birthday  and he found a train. Andre and I were sitting separated. I set with 3 germans and he sat with 3 chineses. And as the train started I was happy.

The day was beautiful. The road is beautiful and suddenly I was totally taken aback. Tons of people started to sing Feliz Cunpleanos. And there was a cake being brought to me. It was written Feliz Dia Julieta.

I could not believe it. One of the Germans stood up and gave his place to Andre. The children next to me tell me  to blow the candle and make a wish!  I cried and shared my cake with whoever wanted. I was so taken by it that I cried.

The responsible for this is surprise is this guy Fernando who I  don’t t even know how to call and say thank you.

The train suddenly seems to be like Disney but I was not so unhappy about it. Maybe it is my most selfish side that made me sorry that I felt sad so many people were in the Machu Picchu. Suddenly there was a dancer in the train and pulled me to dance. I danced in a moving train. Then there was a fashion show.

We were rather surprised and with mixed feelings. Were these guys happy to be now models? Or were they doing it because there was no other way?


When I arrived back to Ollantaytambo I felt very happy. Many people don’t care about this village bt I love it. It is more calm. Some parts of it reminds me of India. There are tuk tuks, there are peruvians asking to takes pictures with me. The soup with Ginger remembered me of India.

I am very thankful that I could walk that much. It is hard that I do not see as well as I used to before my stroke. So in my enormous luck I am remembered by Andre of Lama Lobsang.



Once I was asked to take clothes to a Tibetan Lama in England who became a dear friend. One day I was desperate. I was so afraid of Sclerosis and he dissolve it. Andre did the same. They tell me not to fall in a non stop thinking.


Lama Lobsang heard me vomiting my fear, and anger and he said nothing. He cooked me food. By the time I was very calm, almost sleeping he told me “Remember you were angry?”


That immediately triggered all my thoughts and feelings. And he told me things now and then I remember.


“Julieta all is impermanent. This is just a stream of thought. You are alive, beautiful, free, rich, educated. Your enemy is your best friend. Only in front of difficulty you have the real option to be patient and compassionate.”


That day I felt I was given the gift my of life. He meant anyone who is alive is rich. In any second there are possibilities to chose the right path. That I should recognise all the good things there are all over the world in the life of any sentient being. Now and then I remember it. It always comes with a loss.


I am thankful of my life. I am even grateful to my coma, my stroke to see less. All of this obliges me to remember that moments that are hard have always been accompanied by amazing people. It reminds me that I had let my mind flight in mode of light. This is too fast.


Dr. Pan tells me when there is too many thoughts and energy in me I should breathe slower and deeper. I should listen to Classical music.

From my different birthday will always remember me how much I love being in movement. Nothing is permanent. It is all impermanent. It remembers me the indigenous that told me that life is breathing. So while I breathe slower I will try to keep always walking. I celebrate with Andre and so many strangers. I wish to everybody and myself to have a happy life in spite of their difficulties are in their paths. All is impermanent be glad where you are.

Less Pain is impossible but less suffering is a Path.

When I decided to stop with allopathy I never thought nothing would happen. I decided I would wait. For a while I have barely not used facebook or whatsapp. And suddenly I was invaded by a huge headache. That was ok. I kept going to Dr. Pan. Considering I was not using the internet not many people would know about that.
Suddenly I started to hear voices. There were many stages to this. I told Andre and no one else. It was clear to me that I was having an inflammation in my brain.

 I decided that I would not tell any doctor about it. And eventually the headache was gone but the voices stayed. Only when I was better I told my mother about it, my parents got totally desperate.

My father begged that I would talk to Dr. Eythimia and I did it. She knew there was nothing to bring me back to allopathy. She heard me, and asked me to ask Dr. Pan if he knew what Cerebral Vasculitis is and whether he knew I took no longer cortisone.

So, as I go back to him and I asked it. To be brief he sad he had always told me on the first day that from 40 mg cortisone I could never go to 0. I should not stop it. I should go down and stay  with 5. Funny enough this is exactly what Andre remembered and I did not.

The reason I say this now is because it is fundamental to state that my decision never came without fear of becoming paralyzed. So, when Dr Pan told me he knew what was a brain inflammation and the risks and that I should take 5 mg. I cried and I took it.

I asked what should I do to be less nervous, which sports? What should I do?

Dr Pan is 80. He is Chinese and I absolutely trust him. He puts a needle in my face and when I ask why? He tells me there are too many thoughts in my brain. I should be calmer. For that I should listen to classical music. As for sports to walk, to dance, yoga, or swimming. I should never run considering that liberates too much adrenaline.

He tells me to eat more because I need more energy. I should cut coffee. Since I loved it…. I should at least drink it less. And most importantly simply try to remain calmer.

As he spoke I cried and told him I would walk home. It is 8 km.
“Don’t do that. It is too much. You should walk 2 and augment it very slowly.”

Being me, I walked back home. Since my phone died, I started asking people directions. I had no idea but I do know I walked at least 10 km.

I told Dra. Euthymia, and she said, wisdom is not in the east, nor the west, it is in humanity.
Today I took Andre considering the fact that I always hear what I want. And luckily he repeated I should take at least 5mg and that he had a patient that had the same disease for the past 29 years and this other guy is very well.

Dr Pan was right I walked too much yesterday but I told Andre we should walk today. While I was receiving needles he found out a path under the trees.

Here in Lima it rains so little that some cars don’t even have windshield wipers. So when we walked back through trees and gardens I was beyond belief amazed. How could they survive here?

 I was lucky to see someone who waters the garden but also explained that there was a duct under this enormous road. The hidra works is amazing.

I walked feeling loads of pain in my leg and told Andre I am grateful I have this pain because it means I feel. It means I can still walk.

Andre kept telling me I should not think about becoming paralysed.

But the real fact is that I am thankful. As I looked these path full of trees, gardens, flowers I kept thinking all these beauty depends on the nature and in the care of some amazing people.

This is the same case of me. My life is wonderful. It is not wonderful because it is perfect. It is wonderful because the nature is providing so much and Andre, Dr Pan, Euthymia, my grandma, my parents , my brother, my friends wish me so much well.

Haiko, who is my ex husband and a dear friend told me these days “You love live so much that you always recover.”

I am beyond thankful to Andre because he never scared me because of my choice, he is always next to me. Like these beautiful trees that survive here could not be alive without the engineer who made this water system. Nor could I. Never in my life I thought I would be so tied to an Engineer 🙂

Pain and suffer are too things that are very different. My choice made be thankful. It is not because I no longer have pain nor fear. I am thankful because André is always next to me helping me to suffer less.