Less Pain is impossible but less suffering is a Path.

When I decided to stop with allopathy I never thought nothing would happen. I decided I would wait. For a while I have barely not used facebook or whatsapp. And suddenly I was invaded by a huge headache. That was ok. I kept going to Dr. Pan. Considering I was not using the internet not many people would know about that.
Suddenly I started to hear voices. There were many stages to this. I told Andre and no one else. It was clear to me that I was having an inflammation in my brain.

 I decided that I would not tell any doctor about it. And eventually the headache was gone but the voices stayed. Only when I was better I told my mother about it, my parents got totally desperate.

My father begged that I would talk to Dr. Eythimia and I did it. She knew there was nothing to bring me back to allopathy. She heard me, and asked me to ask Dr. Pan if he knew what Cerebral Vasculitis is and whether he knew I took no longer cortisone.

So, as I go back to him and I asked it. To be brief he sad he had always told me on the first day that from 40 mg cortisone I could never go to 0. I should not stop it. I should go down and stay  with 5. Funny enough this is exactly what Andre remembered and I did not.

The reason I say this now is because it is fundamental to state that my decision never came without fear of becoming paralyzed. So, when Dr Pan told me he knew what was a brain inflammation and the risks and that I should take 5 mg. I cried and I took it.

I asked what should I do to be less nervous, which sports? What should I do?

Dr Pan is 80. He is Chinese and I absolutely trust him. He puts a needle in my face and when I ask why? He tells me there are too many thoughts in my brain. I should be calmer. For that I should listen to classical music. As for sports to walk, to dance, yoga, or swimming. I should never run considering that liberates too much adrenaline.

He tells me to eat more because I need more energy. I should cut coffee. Since I loved it…. I should at least drink it less. And most importantly simply try to remain calmer.

As he spoke I cried and told him I would walk home. It is 8 km.
“Don’t do that. It is too much. You should walk 2 and augment it very slowly.”

Being me, I walked back home. Since my phone died, I started asking people directions. I had no idea but I do know I walked at least 10 km.

I told Dra. Euthymia, and she said, wisdom is not in the east, nor the west, it is in humanity.
Today I took Andre considering the fact that I always hear what I want. And luckily he repeated I should take at least 5mg and that he had a patient that had the same disease for the past 29 years and this other guy is very well.

Dr Pan was right I walked too much yesterday but I told Andre we should walk today. While I was receiving needles he found out a path under the trees.

Here in Lima it rains so little that some cars don’t even have windshield wipers. So when we walked back through trees and gardens I was beyond belief amazed. How could they survive here?

 I was lucky to see someone who waters the garden but also explained that there was a duct under this enormous road. The hidra works is amazing.

I walked feeling loads of pain in my leg and told Andre I am grateful I have this pain because it means I feel. It means I can still walk.

Andre kept telling me I should not think about becoming paralysed.

But the real fact is that I am thankful. As I looked these path full of trees, gardens, flowers I kept thinking all these beauty depends on the nature and in the care of some amazing people.

This is the same case of me. My life is wonderful. It is not wonderful because it is perfect. It is wonderful because the nature is providing so much and Andre, Dr Pan, Euthymia, my grandma, my parents , my brother, my friends wish me so much well.

Haiko, who is my ex husband and a dear friend told me these days “You love live so much that you always recover.”

I am beyond thankful to Andre because he never scared me because of my choice, he is always next to me. Like these beautiful trees that survive here could not be alive without the engineer who made this water system. Nor could I. Never in my life I thought I would be so tied to an Engineer 🙂

Pain and suffer are too things that are very different. My choice made be thankful. It is not because I no longer have pain nor fear. I am thankful because André is always next to me helping me to suffer less.

2 thoughts on “Less Pain is impossible but less suffering is a Path.

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