Yesterday I was in an accident. I was rather calm at the time. And as I came home I felt tired, actually rather exausted. I kept trying to remember every second of the day. And suddenly I asked Andre to look my teeth and he says ” I think it is broken”.
It is fundamental to say I had never had pain before I had this information. Or as the buddhist would say I had pain but I did not suffer. Once I was informed about it the pain seemed bigger. I contacted Ilda and we sent her a photo. She is my mother’s best friend and she is a dentist. She tells me it is broken I have to go to a dentist.
I tell my dear new friend Isabel. I met Isabel in a Buddhist event here in Peru. Like me she has deep respect for Tibetans. In her enormous generosity she made me feel somehow home in Peru. She introduced a part of her family.
Andre keeps nourishing me, and telling me it is all fine. I had written in Portuguese that once you experence those things you remember the sentence “life is impermanent”. Together with that sentence , later came memories.
Me in an accident in Brasil when I was a teenager and teeths got broken. Someone had died. Comes an epileptic attack in Morocco. Comes Leila and Mounia to my mind. Comes me in hospital in Brasil and my brother rescuing me. Comes me being in coma in 2013. Comes another accident in India when someone else died.
So many thoughts came. I was filled by sadness. I do not eat. André kept telling me. “You said you could have died, but you did not” And I tell him “Why did it happen?” He replies that there was no reason. And I kept thinking I was missing it.
Some weeks ago I was wathing Monja Coen who is Zen Buddhist explaining that everytime something happens there is a reason behind. We can’t usually see it. Especially when those things trigger something inside of you.
I go once again to Dr. Pan. I am not sure whether I told you about Dr. Pan. He is Chinese. I found him by miracle. He did one exam and he found out in one look at my eye I had a problem “inflamation of my vain in my Brain”. Pretty much the Vasculitis that took more than 9 years to be found out about. I love Dr. Pan. And I miss Getulio.
It is so hard to find a real good acupunturist. Even harder to find one that is 80 and is sooo humble. As I am there today I get to call Dr. Luis the dentist I am told about. And he is generous enough to open up a space to see me in his lunch time.
I sit there. He takes pictures. And then tells me I have a dental cavity in the tooth next to the broken one. I started to cry. No, not out of saddness. And to most people you should think it is silly. I cried because the reason was there. I feel entirelly happy I broke a tooth that showed me not only a new doctor, but another problem that came without pain. It showed me and reminded me that for months I barely ate, I did not brush my tooth as I should, nor bathed as I should. In a small hidden part was a serious evidence I am still mourning.
So these tears came as a blessing. An answer. This accident made me look backwards and to find out there was something to realise: it was that we must nourish our lives. Every single part of our bodies. Every single person who passes by us. As Mafalda says thoses are blessings and others are lessons. We have to value every second because we will all leave but we must leave consciously.
I thank every single friend I have. When I write it like this it is because my life has made me aware we are all connected. In my case, my dear friends are all over the world. I thank you for being part of my life.
Julieta de Toledo Piza Falavina