I’m so thrilled to write so much and be able to share, how my mind has fallen. I can show you that we can walk the path. And grateful you read it. But I have to say it slowly, because at one time I couldn’t even read, talk, walk, or even remember things.
But we have to accept our mind, I also had to learn to be patient. I can’t even write, nothing is fast. I have a great gratitude for life when I am present.
And I see that when I want to tell my blog, he suddenly arrests me and does not think about anyone’s rule in my head, it even causes me pain, and I hallucinate. So I stop and meditate because it makes me aware.
It’s the year 2023, but my downfall lasted for several years.
The last time I lived in Europe was between 2007 and 2011, but I traveled around the world, but I lived in London. But I entered the LSE in 2008 and stayed in 2011. I won a scholarship to do my PhD. My doctorate was a peace project between Israel and Palestine. In London I made new friends from around the world. From there I also joined a yoga group and started to enter the path of meditation and I didn’t have much patience, but I became friends with a Tibetan Lama. Lama Lobsang spoke the words that will mark me.
It took so long and my mind went blank. We ate in silence. He had spoken a mantra and when it was over he told me to go into the room. I took a few steps and he said “Do you remember when you were angry? “ My mind went back to being scared, angry and angry at me. Lama Lobsang said “One word, you become anger, fear. You have to calm down, and meditate”. I kept thinking that that was nonsense, and my prejudices.
I was so lost in my brain. But I always forgot that I was so desperate and Lama Lobsang invited me to have a lunch. But I felt that I shouldn’t go.
I arrived and started telling about my suffering and what I saw in my life. I was saying a million things and he told me and told me to go to the kitchen. And he told me to be silent. I was kind of disgusted, but I stayed quiet and watched him cook super slowly and doing a mantra.
I wanted to volunteer to teach English in Asia, I found out and went to Thailand in 2009. There I began to discover a place that enchanted me.
Then I wanted to abandon my doctorate because of Israel and Palestine. The Teacher said “Why not do it about Buddhism? “
I wanted to escape and went to Dharmsala. I kept running away from everywhere, from India I went to Italy and I counted in the posts. I share in my post , a friend of the inn that Thailandia. Julian sent me a message if I wanted to be a hostel attendant. I went, I always felt lost, but I went and I felt at home.
I loved so deeply, and thought it was like my second home in the world. I had already stayed there knowing the world. But one day, my foot got stuck. It simply stuck and I went to Brazil.
But when my foot got stuck I was second and I got better traveling and I was traveling through Brazil and Colombia. When I was told to make a book.
So I have even learned to understand time. I write agitated to write in a book. And dealing with a thousand things in the world, and that’s how I saw it.
I have been writing from my travels, and have been helped by my friends, and a boyfriend. And I wanted to take the book to my friends. But I wanted to go to Burma, and when I was lining up to apply for a visa, I started to feel epilepsy. I was full of emotions, and nothing to be present
A nurse saw me on the street, in Thailand, they will come, and they said that I should go to the hospital.
From there I remember few things, but it was my first coma. My mother said that I spent 30 days in the hospital in Bangkok.
So down. That’s what my my wrote.
“ CRISIS September 2013 – enters a state of “epilepticus” in Bangkok. She is interned from the 2nd to the 20th of September at the St Louis Hospital in Bangkok, trying to control epileptic seizures. She has to be intubated to receive high doses of anticonvulsants (Depakote, Keppra) in addition to cortisone. Ruben and I are going there. When we managed to return to Sao Paulo, we stayed another week at Hospital Samaritano, when Dr. Getulio comments that, this time, the damage had been enormous. With schizophrenia of neurological origin, she undergoes treatment with clozapine with Dr. Euthymia Almeida Prado. doctor Getulio keeps Depakote and cortisone. She goes from 44 kg to about 60 kg. doctor Getulio is terrified and returns to Gardenal. Little by little, she recovers from the hallucinations and Dr Euthymia eliminates Clozapine, which is very bad for her. It’s almost like being reborn, except that she’s reborn as a teenager. She suffers from loss of neurons, from reading ability to cognition.”
It was even difficult to leave the hospital, I was not conscious. And so I had to be allowed to fly and be conscious. I even went from a hospital in one country to another hospital in Brazil.
For my parents it was even more difficult, than for me. But from my coma, I remember that one day I saw a woman. I remember I was in bed, there were people on the other side and they were arguing, but on the other side I suddenly saw this woman. She looked at me and suddenly asked me if I wanted to live. And I said “yes, because of my grandmother, and my boyfriend” and the people fighting will disappear, and I saw my boyfriend leaving, and my grandmother would fall and it would be difficult to walk
Everything happened, in my coma, but then it happened in my life back in Brazil. But life happened. As the mind should already know.
I returned to Brazil a long time ago, and spent some time away, incapable and revolted.
But the temple floated and I managed to get the treatment, because in the end we didn’t even know very well. We don’t even know much yet.
I tell it daily, imagining what conscience we have, how similar we are. And when we see the base of ourselves, I must accept it as we are.
But I try slowly, slowly, because I try to float to share, how I am managing to share the peace of the way. So because neither the doctors nor I still don’t know who I am.