I want to write about something and related to my mind. It’s hard to open up about me, but as I told Nese, I’ve always been open to everything. Today I talked to my friend and she is from Turkey and knows me well.

My friends help me a lot of how I was, and I see that I still am. So my friends explain to me that I always loved to be open. It was after my first coma and hallucinations. But sometimes ask me if I hallucinate what I see is reality or not?

In my first coma that I had, I was in Thailand. And when I woke up I was sure I was poisoned.

But even so I continued to hear words inside my head, and voices to me and as if I heard people on the side of the house.

I wanted to tell you how it’s been helping a lot with Denise’s therapy. That’s help me lot, I want to keep

This year Denise Invited me to go in a class of Gyaltsen Tsering, and he is from Tibet. The meeting was at the zoon. He lives in India and there is a Brazilian nun who translates his words.

Sense I was born in Brazil,But my languages were mixed. Even if my parents all from Brazil, But my school was in French, And as a little child it was an English.

It will be easier to ask a question a belt my brain send any English. But I knew that I was supposed to speak in Portuguese.

I tried to ask a simple question. I thought I had hallucination. Oh and when I send, The Brazilian nun asked me what I have. Watch disease that I have. I thought that I had 2 comas, and a speech therapist. So even in my mind I am trapped by speaking and writing. So I tried.But the more I realize, when it affects me in an emotional way, it turns into an epileptic fit.
In my first coma that I had, I was in Thailand. And when I woke up I was sure I was poisoned.

But the Lama had me here to meditate on how to put my foot down. Let your mind stay on its feet. Pay attention to be present. Every now you will go out and try to get back on foot. And stop and wait and ask yourself is it real? Stop and meditate for your mind and stay still and then you will question is it possible that your mind is doing or real?

But even so, I continued to hear words inside my head, and voices to me and as if I heard people on the side of the house.

It happened this year, but I remembered the Tibetan Buddhist I met.

I had never been of any religion, but I had friends all over the world, so I tried to learn.

In 2008 I was in India and I went to Dharamsala and met Denise. Dalai Lama was teaching a course on Buddhism and I took it. His first words of his “don’t be Buddhist, respect all religions, but respect what’s inside you”. I found it admirable because I didn’t want to convert anyone.

I was with Haiko and I spoke English, but I had already heard Portuguese and I met Denise. As I didn't know anything about Buddhism and we became friends. Denise asked me if I wanted to go to Karmapa, I decided to read it, I said yes.

Karmapa is an important Lama like the Dalai Lama, but even I never believed in anything, but I wanted to go and I went.

I had thought it would be a class with the Dalai Lama, so I would learn something. But Denise was responsible for the Buddhist temple in Espírito Santo.

I was so shocked because there I heard his words, but that we would have a private place. When I even went to ask a lama what I should do.He gave me a tissue, told me to put my head on the floor, count three times and ask a questions.

So hard for me just one question but I’ve always bent down and I don’t know what’s the matter with my brain.Karmapa told me it's all in your mind and I will always be with you.

Perhaps to you, it seems like a simple answer. At that time I wanted to thank you, but I think differently. That answer is deeper.

But at that time I wanted to say thank you, even if I didn’t think it was simple. As she lived in London Denise asked me if she could bring her gift. It was a gift for Lama Lobsang

Lama Lobsang was teaching Buddhism in Europe. He lived in London and became my friend, or rather a teacher without my having given his lectures.

Lama Lobsang came to my college to get his gift, even when he said he could take it. We met at LSE and our conversations started .

Lama Lobsang came to my house many times, but I remember he invited me to go to his house. That’s the day I was that sprayed it about my brain. .

Once again he called me and told me I should go to his house. I didn’t want to because I was desperate for my brain.

When I got to his house, I started talking about my brain.

But Lama Lobsang, didn’t react to anything. He told me to go to the kitchen and told me to sit down. He asked me to be silent for the kitchen. He asked me to stay still and I watched with him putting the food.

We ate very calmly and talked, but as we were transferred to another part of the house he said to me: “The head”Everything came back, I started talking and my brain started to stories, to despair and nervousness.

I remember Lama Lobsang so well said
“Jules you make up your mind, you attack yourself, you have to calm you mind. “ I remember that he would always say do you have everything why do you destroy yourself” You are intelligent you are beautiful you can afford everything”

Those words were strong. But even after Lama Lobsang dyed . And when he calm me and I did not pick up. I regret because all of his works words he taught me a lot .

I had even asked Lama Lobsang what he thought of Vipassana. I even remember that I was afraid that I could not fo out. “

But it’s been years since I’ve not been meditating and dealing with myself and listening from the inside and outside. It is hard when it is inside and out.

“Meditation we have our level it is not a prison otherwise you’re not we have a deal with her self”

Denise makes me wake up and go back to how she always was. I advocate medicine but meditation helps. As I imagine my religious friends ask for the company of God and Goddesses.

Sometimes I still wonder if it’s true or not , but at least I’m getting better. The floral also helps me a lot and even for me to be open to you.

So I want to share we have to come our mind. It doesn’t matter about our disease we had to calm ourselves.

Love,

Jules

I was in the hospital yesterday, and I’m grateful. How many times have I abandoned medicine. I’m taking Cortizone and Rituximab.

How many times have I taken. Sometimes I looked at the side effects, got desperate and stopped the treatment. I always thought the natural way would be better. So I ended up having 2 comas and a lot of brain damage.
So I want to tell you from the beginning of medicine came into my life. I want to show you how my first epileptic fit started which was in Morocco. She started when I was 26
years and today I am 40 .

It started when I was traveling in Morocco. Always reminds me of the Sahara desert
But I say desert and the opposite feelings is because in the desert you feel hot with the sun and when it leaves the cold comes.

But after knowing Marrakesh, and many places. But when I got to casablanca, and I didn’t have to go to London. I decided to stay longer and go to the city my friends had told me about.

I kept going and suddenly I went to see Chefchuen. But as Morocco was colonized by France, the city is called Chefchuen, (Xexuão or El Aiún). And when I went traveling alone I listened to more Arabic than French.

But when I was traveling alone, I met two gentlemen who were worried about me.
They bought things from Morocco to sell in Ceuta.

There were 2 gentlemen who bought clothes to sell in Spain. They invited me to ride in their car to Ceuta. Ceuta becomes Africa.
It was amazing to travel with these gentlemen, with them I was watching everywhere but when we arrived at the border they didn’t even ask for my passport. But when I saw it, I was impressed by the change between one country and another.

I stayed one day in Celtic because I wanted to go back to Morocco. I went on foot and when I arrived at the border there were hundreds of people who were not well.

I would say it was one of the saddest things I’ve seen. Many people who were not accepted in Europe. They told me to go ahead and I wanted to be in line. I said I would go in line but the Africans who were not accepted because of prejudice told me to go ahead because I was white.

When I crossed over there were 1 million people who wanted to live in Europe. As I told you, my friend Leila, who is from Morocco and is a photographer at the UN, was killed for her work, and she knew about the injustice that exists in the world.

Here in Brazil, everyone’s prejudice continues as well. I think the onset of my epileptic seizures is related to strong emotions and people very close to me. When Leila was killed I ended up in the Hospital, and now I’m taking the Rituximab that I managed to control from the despair they gave me when Sho died and I was just in the hospital. This time it was already yesterday, and I’m happy because maybe I don’t feel bad about collateral defects.

As I said, after two comas, with the loss of blood and difficulty speaking, if I was in the hospital it’s because I finally took him seriously.

It was in 2007. As I say I will keep my mistakes without asking anyone. We have to value trying to get better.

But I remember years ago when I arrived at Moon’s mother’s house I tried to explain and how difficult it is.

(I went to sleep and at night came that despair of something I couldn’t explain. It was like feeling and heat like the Sahara desert. Like the Sun and the Moon. Like heat with the sun and then in the cold. But in bed and cold and the heat and outside you understand. my mind it was losing control. Cynthia vibrations of adrenaline, my mind was activated and thinking about the prison of borders, you can’t control with the same thought. “
But I know I still don’t have control, but I try. We know very little about ourselves.

Then I remember going to the airport to go to London. On the plane My hand was moving. The gentleman was on my side and said: “You are not well and you should talk to the doctors. “Because I want to tell you little by little about my downfalls. The first has already escaped from the hospital in London. I stayed for a few days and exams and left with my responsibility. In other words, it drops a lot.

Even I know the doctors explained it with different names than I have. Innoway they’re still trying to figure out what’s in my brain.

But I know that studies change all the time. I find it very helpful to see that the brain doesn’t know that much. But I can see that we can learn again.

Even if I can’t speak and I get the block buy a word in my language but I can think in Portuguese and French and English.

The mind is so amazing what it can do to find a way to see, speak and hear.

I can fulfill and respect medicine but also Meditation. It’s like I respect alternative medicine, but medicine has it together.
Love, Jules

I must say that I write without anyone editing. It is difficult to write and speak. But I love writing and telling other people’s stories, but I’m going to tell myself. And I’ll tell you about my life. And I would say “never accept that you couldn’t learn new things”, and Take the old learnings of life seriously, and the new. Of everything in life we ​​must keep the hope of life.

So I’ll explain to you how I studied around the world. I learned in schools, and learn languages. If I couldn’t talk and technology that can help my mind. If I hadn’t learned other languages, I imagine it would be difficult for me to be speaking and writing. My mind works like this.

I won a scholarship in Brazil from IBEU – Instituto Brasil Estados Unidos. As I said, I studied at hofstra university in the United States. I won at the US college and won another scholarship to study international politics, the University of Amsterdam. And then my master’s degree was at LSE, which is in London. Then I won to do a doctorate and dropped out.

And I was lost, learning Hebrew and Arabic. My doctorate was about a school of peace between Israel and Palestine. All I was looking for was discussions.

I was talking to my dad today, and he said that the times we are trained, to prove our perception, of what we know. He said it’s boring people thing 🙂

When I was little I was at Lycee Pasteur, and my school was in French in Sao Paulo, and in Buenos Aires, and it always made us prove what we know. But what do we really know, or choose from whom to transfer responsibility?

Sometimes I think, what did I miss? I realize that any epileptic fit was related to how angry or depressed my mind is.

So I want to tell you how it started with my first epileptic fit and I went to Morocco. I imagine you started it, as I am. But I think it was 911 in New York that started my despair.

With all my interests, they were everything. I went through music, cinema, decolonizing, international politics, and philosophy and anthropology.

It was in 2007 that my first epileptic attack was in Morocco. As I said, Morocco is a country that I love. And to this day it makes me get to know myself better.

I went to visit Leila, and Mounia. Mustapha is from there too, and I worked at the school and it was the place for languages ​​but before I knew them in the USA. Mustafa is the best class I’ve had. It’s called, and what my blog is like. It’s called decolonizing the mind. So I continue to decolonize my mind🙂

I confess that I sometimes get angry when my brother tells me how smart I was, or when my father tells me to forget about my past. The but I try to remember the past and the present.
Maybe I pretended I knew and pretended I knew🙂

But I’m learning, that we can learn new things. I see how there are studies that the brain can be active. Any old study pension that is dead🙂

So I’m going to try to count the day before, of my coma, And how I’m learning daily from a norm in a new way and to keep our brain, our mind.

But all the studies now are calling this time I have Autoimmune Encephalitis. E li “(EAI) are a group of inflammatory diseases of our brain, caused by the production of autoantibodies against neuronal antigens. In short, this inflammation arises when the immune system attacks the brain cells themselves. As for these antibodies, we can call them autoantibodies.29 Aug. from 2021”

I tell you because they’ve been called several names. But in addition to having fallen, because I was trying to use being out of medicine and I had 2 comas. Today I respect medicine and other ways of thinking.

I keep meditating helps not hallucinating. Acupuncture improved the mind and body and the floral. But I know that even they don’t know what the brain and mind are like. But my lack of explanation of who we are calms me down. And ironically the hospital median. Already makes me this gift and question 🙂

Doctor Getulio Rabelo, has already left, but
said that I should say what I felt, in my head, in my mind, since I speak and feel. But even though I’m critical, I see what I feel.

But I have to count slowly, I also realize is that if I get active we get tired of ourselves.
With love,

Jules