I was in the hospital yesterday, and I’m grateful. How many times have I abandoned medicine. I’m taking Cortizone and Rituximab.
How many times have I taken. Sometimes I looked at the side effects, got desperate and stopped the treatment. I always thought the natural way would be better. So I ended up having 2 comas and a lot of brain damage.
So I want to tell you from the beginning of medicine came into my life. I want to show you how my first epileptic fit started which was in Morocco. She started when I was 26
years and today I am 40 .
It started when I was traveling in Morocco. Always reminds me of the Sahara desert
But I say desert and the opposite feelings is because in the desert you feel hot with the sun and when it leaves the cold comes.
But after knowing Marrakesh, and many places. But when I got to casablanca, and I didn’t have to go to London. I decided to stay longer and go to the city my friends had told me about.
I kept going and suddenly I went to see Chefchuen. But as Morocco was colonized by France, the city is called Chefchuen, (Xexuão or El Aiún). And when I went traveling alone I listened to more Arabic than French.
But when I was traveling alone, I met two gentlemen who were worried about me.
They bought things from Morocco to sell in Ceuta.
There were 2 gentlemen who bought clothes to sell in Spain. They invited me to ride in their car to Ceuta. Ceuta becomes Africa.
It was amazing to travel with these gentlemen, with them I was watching everywhere but when we arrived at the border they didn’t even ask for my passport. But when I saw it, I was impressed by the change between one country and another.
I stayed one day in Celtic because I wanted to go back to Morocco. I went on foot and when I arrived at the border there were hundreds of people who were not well.
I would say it was one of the saddest things I’ve seen. Many people who were not accepted in Europe. They told me to go ahead and I wanted to be in line. I said I would go in line but the Africans who were not accepted because of prejudice told me to go ahead because I was white.
When I crossed over there were 1 million people who wanted to live in Europe. As I told you, my friend Leila, who is from Morocco and is a photographer at the UN, was killed for her work, and she knew about the injustice that exists in the world.
Here in Brazil, everyone’s prejudice continues as well. I think the onset of my epileptic seizures is related to strong emotions and people very close to me. When Leila was killed I ended up in the Hospital, and now I’m taking the Rituximab that I managed to control from the despair they gave me when Sho died and I was just in the hospital. This time it was already yesterday, and I’m happy because maybe I don’t feel bad about collateral defects.
As I said, after two comas, with the loss of blood and difficulty speaking, if I was in the hospital it’s because I finally took him seriously.
It was in 2007. As I say I will keep my mistakes without asking anyone. We have to value trying to get better.
But I remember years ago when I arrived at Moon’s mother’s house I tried to explain and how difficult it is.
(I went to sleep and at night came that despair of something I couldn’t explain. It was like feeling and heat like the Sahara desert. Like the Sun and the Moon. Like heat with the sun and then in the cold. But in bed and cold and the heat and outside you understand. my mind it was losing control. Cynthia vibrations of adrenaline, my mind was activated and thinking about the prison of borders, you can’t control with the same thought. “
But I know I still don’t have control, but I try. We know very little about ourselves.
Then I remember going to the airport to go to London. On the plane My hand was moving. The gentleman was on my side and said: “You are not well and you should talk to the doctors. “
Because I want to tell you little by little about my downfalls. The first has already escaped from the hospital in London. I stayed for a few days and exams and left with my responsibility. In other words, it drops a lot.
Even I know the doctors explained it with different names than I have. Innoway they’re still trying to figure out what’s in my brain.
But I know that studies change all the time. I find it very helpful to see that the brain doesn’t know that much. But I can see that we can learn again.
Even if I can’t speak and I get the block buy a word in my language but I can think in Portuguese and French and English.
The mind is so amazing what it can do to find a way to see, speak and hear.
I can fulfill and respect medicine but also Meditation. It’s like I respect alternative medicine, but medicine has it together.