My first coma was in Thailand, and it wasn’t even my first time there. And my mom said I stayed 30 days. Each time it seems to me that I am causing emotional things, and not knowing how to deal with my mind.

But I want to tell about what has long been supposed to tell.

First I see that every time it was related to feelings, and maybe spiritual.

Perhaps I should say that I have always been an atheist and have religious and philosophical friends in the world. But my grandmother said that “ I was the most religious because I wanted to love everyone, and she said that she was an atheist, and she ruled and respected everyone. “But I always felt lost and didn’t want to get stuck in any one.

I always considered that I was free from being prey to religion and I liked to read. And today it is easier to write than to read. I had many injuries to my brain.

But before my coma, I was dating a guy who said almost nothing else was true. But I don’t even want to focus on that. I mean that our mind will perceive through the mind. And the inner nervous began.

Gradually I should feel. And it was increasing my adrenaline and I went to tell Dr. Getulio, by email that I felt adrenaline, and I increased my gardenal.

There, in Thailand, I always said that it was my second home in the world. I had once been a volunteer teaching English to children, another year I had been working at a Mut Mee guest house when I dropped out of my PhD at the LSE.

I really wanted to go to Burma ( Myamar ), any year I tried I couldn’t until my coma.

It was the second time I tried to go there, because I had done Vipassana (10 days of meditation) in England. And they say it comes from there.

On that day, I was doing my visa and I started to feel energy, I needed to walk and breathe and women nurses came to take care of me. “It looks like you are having an epileptic seizure and should go to the hospital.” We went in and a doctor came, and I was fine and taking Gardenal. He told me to analyze myself, but I denied it.

I went back to an inn and I don’t know anything about it. My boyfriend took me to the hospital and called my parents to come.

My mother registered
“CRISIS September 2013 – enters a state of “epilepticus” in Bangkok. She is interned from the 2nd to the 20th of September at the St Louis Hospital in Bangkok, trying to control epileptic seizures. She has to be intubated to receive high doses of anticonvulsants (Depakote, Keppra) in addition to cortisone. Ruben and I are going there. When we managed to return to Sao Paulo, we stayed another week at Hospital Samaritano, when Dr. Getulio comments that, this time, the damage had been enormous. With schizophrenia of neurological origin, she undergoes treatment with clozapine with Dr. Euthymia Almeida Prado. doctor Getulio keeps Depakote and cortisone. It goes from 44 kg to about 60 kg. doctor Getulio is terrified and returns to Gardenal. Little by little, she recovers from the hallucinations and Dr Euthymia eliminates Clozapine, which is very bad for her. It’s almost like being reborn, except that you’re reborn as a teenager. She suffers from loss of neurons, from reading ability to cognition.”

I went back what I remember what always asks me what I saw in my Coma.

I saw myself in the hospital and talked in the language of Thailand and what I don’t know in that Coma. I argued about the treatment. Then I saw other planets, I went to a place under the earth and I saw my cousin and it was dark and a trip. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t even burning it was looking for places. In my coma I was traveling in the world end of the hospital. I could even speak in Thai, I could change places of the hospital and ask about the treatment but I was in coma.

But when I felt myself stop on the black bed and on one side I heard people fighting. It was between these people, and I was quiet and confused about the discussion. This me in a bed and on one side people fighting, and on the other side still, but once a woman appeared to me and asked if I wanted to live and die. This woman was very calm.

I was surprised that she asked me if I wanted to leave or die. I was surprised enough to watch it and she said it was my choice. When I said I wanted to live she asked me why I wanted to leave
.
I said I wanted it because of my grandmother and my boyfriend at the time.

She made the people in the discussion disappear, she didn’t exist anymore. Suddenly she made a glass of glass and I saw my grandmother falling, and my ex-boyfriend was walking away from me. It wasn’t in a cruel way, she wanted to let me know.

That from my coma I remember. I remember I thought I was poisoned. I felt it for many years.

But outside of the Coma, I would tell everyone that I was poisoned.

I’m not an atheist like before, but still lost , but what sets me free. I prefer to call her the Tara of Buddhism. Like my Gata Dao, which I feel is the spirituality of Taoism.

Everything I saw in my coma happened when I was awake, my grandmother fell, and my boyfriend left me. But to this day I’m grateful that he even took me to the hospital, and I could have spent years with my grandmother.

Sometimes I have hallucinations but I don’t even think about medicine, because inside the hospital I even felt hallucinations. But I take medicine for epilepsy and other medicines. From hallucination, the best remedy is to meditate.

The best way for me is to meditate, now the hardest thing is to learn to deal with ourselves.

I share because I think we can all improve. Don’t abandon yourself inside. And if you can pay attention to the nature and feel gratitude for the sun, of the moon, and the ground. And meditate to stable where you are

With Love,
Jules

As I say I’m feeling back to writing as we are, and a compassion for the world.

It was the second time I went to Colombia. This time I went to our friend Maruan’s wedding.

This trip was very symbolic of how I studied international politics and cognitive anthropology. Even more symbolic is a cafe.

Coffee comes from Africa, and goes to the world, goes through the Middle East, Europe and then arrives through America, and Latin America and Asia. Colombia coffee is selected so it’s wonderful. But thinking about coffee is incredibly profound as it is in Africa. So taking it I didn’t stop thinking about it.

This trip of mine was to see Maruan’s wedding, and his wife were born in Colombia, but their family is from Palestine.

Maruan picked us up at the airport almost midnight and he told me “let’s go for coffee”

I already thought it was to late to have coffee but I didn’t know how much traffic Bogotá has during the day. Of course we went for coffee and we loved it. I immediately had to use my mind off. We came into town at night and the next day I met his family.

I had the pleasure of meeting your parents and brother and his family. I went back to speaking in English and Spanish and French because when people have to immigrate and have to speak a new language

Before I thought it was important to know other languages ​​and what was useful, but today I realize that it goes much deeper. If I hadn’t learned several languages ​​when I was little, it would be even harder to speak again.

I say people who have children, what a stimulus to know several. If my parents hadn’t done learning several languages ​​it would be more difficult to speak and write. I even had a speech therapist, but when I realized that if it was with other languages ​​it would be more useful.

When I met Bassem, who is Maruan’s brother and is an anthropologist, he showed me around Candelária and got to know the places. So we started trying several cafes.

But the coffee comes from Ethiopia, it comes from an ancient tradition and a selection is made and there are several versions of coffee.

Legend has it that coffee was discovered in the ninth century in the Ethiopian highlands. The story goes that a shepherd named Kaldi noticed that goats became more active when they ate the fruits of a certain plant. And when he decided to taste these fruits, he also felt more energetic. I even heard of a story that showed that a priest put it to burn that it was a thing from hell. Then it became sacred.

Coffee circulated around the world, sometimes they used slaves to work.
Ô café circulated with me around the world. I learned about coffee when I was travelling, because I used to say that I was into tea. But when I was somewhere in Rome I learned about coffee.

When I was in Turkey and I went to visit my friend Nese in Istanbul, she took me to Another cafe, Bar. And in Palestine I drank coffee and always offered myself and ate more.

And I thought that in Asia it wasn’t the style, but when I was in 2018 in Vietnam I found out that they had coffee with eggs. I went and with prejudice but I loved it and it doesn’t even look like coffee. But coffee is always being colonized and decolonized. France that colonized or Vietnam and brought coffee. And I learned that even during the war he had to subsist on milk and coffee.

Thus, the land of the indigenous people was also colonized by Portugal and they exchanged slaves and made them drink coffee to work.

This trip was very symbolic for me and the world. I was doing my PhD at the LSE and it was about Israel and Palestine and I got very attached to the world and wanted a peace process. That was in 2011 and I gave up.

But at the LSE I chatted with my friend and over coffee. He is Israeli and knows Arabic and Hebrew because he refused to join the army. 1 year imprisoned inside Israel and denied the second time and spent 2 more years in Prison in Palestine. And I said,

“ If you speak Hebrew, and learned Arabic in prison, you have to do it.”

And I never forget what my friend said.

“And why don’t you do about farms and speak in Brazil, since you speak Portuguese and learn a language of the indigenous people.”

But even writing, since I can, touches me inside. Every day I get better I think it’s even unfair to the world.

But, I try to meditate and open my mind that I shouldn’t even think anything negative. Think like nature .

We are like coffee, sometimes for nature, sometimes for value, even for religion, sometimes for the economy, sometimes for slavery, sometimes for colonialism.

Then I begin to realize that it is part of our history.

Mas a parte mais difícil é aceitar nossa existência como somos. Mas como nós, o agente é como do café está mudando, mudando de país, mas dentro daqueles que evoluem e tentamos ser melhor. Temos que evoluir dentro de nós mesmo.

But the hardest part is accepting our existence as we are. But like us, the coffee is changing, changing countries, but we chose evolve and we try to be better than before. We have to evolve in our mind.

Love, Jules

When I thought of writing, it reminded me of Dr Getulio. I already had so many blogs and told of the stories of the people I met

doctor Getulio Rabello used to tell me “You who speak well, write but I am the doctor, if you wrote about what you feel and what happens it would help me and the other patients.

There’s no way not to forget how Getulio was, and I always ran away from medicine.

But even if he wasn’t present, in my mind and so many people who knew him.

Now writing what happened to me is difficult to write, but I won’t give up trying, it’s not a struggle.

Because it is fundamental not to be a fight. Every fight is a fight with another, but every time I see it, it’s trying to make peace. That’s how I see any fight, it’s an internal fight and they’re very stimulated.

So, I’ve been thinking about it. There are tests in schools, in college, in childhood, and I always get into discussions. And when I ended up in the hospital it was related to a person who started to get more irritated and I ran away. Harder when I lost close friends and Dr. Getúlio.

I remember once playing the piano and doing alternative medicine. I was playing, and I don’t even know very well but it was giving me adrenaline and the energy rose, I felt that my hand was on the right arm and it went up and down with my face on the piano.

I went to Hospital Samaritano in 2013 because of a fall on the piano.

I remember it very well, because my parents were there, but Dr. Getúlio got angry when I told him I was without Fenobarbital . He asked to speak with me alone.

I was calm, I was already calm. And Getúlio told me “Julieta, you are not going to be my patient, and if you don’t take medicine seriously, you can choose and you will want to destroy yourself. You will make your choice. ”

I stayed with Getúlio, but I was writing my book about my discussions in the Middle East and the rest of the world. This adrenaline increased a lot. Neither mine marked by the face marked by falling face down on the piano, it was the adrenaline of my rush in our life, in my mind

And my arguments always got me in. But one day I thought of Getúlio and I walked out of nowhere and asked the clerk is Getúlio here? Maybe a spirituality but he kept thinking about it.

I entered the hospital, asked the secretary, is Getúlio here? She was silent and I said “Getúlio died.” . She agreed and I went into the hospital and asked where the family was. I atheist went up and saw Janete who was Getúlio’s secretary, and his wife his, and a doctor , that I do not know.

It knocked me over, and there was my stability person. Getúlio, I had already realized that almost everything discouraged me because emotional things

So, I’m sharing, how many internal wars when it seems calm, it’s far from peace. Even when I meditate and when I hear voices, hallucinations, dreams. Then I realize that I realize that we have to leave our voice of silence.

So when I lost Getúlio I went back to the hospital and there wasn’t even a doctor and in search of knowing what I have. And every time I had to see my blood. But red is very important to understand

But it’s not easy to let yourself be silent, but I realize that it helps me to do anything that has freedom and not prove anything. Draw, the garden, the sky, and prove nothing to yourself. Let things take their time.

I think about the red I love and try. Before I thought about politics, later it was reported that it was considered red.

But red was important because many believed in communism but red was considered part of art, many religions, sexuality, Asia etc.

In the Shinto religion of Japan, In Christianity, red is associated with the blood of Christ and the sacrifice of martyrs. In the Roman Catholic Church it is also associated with Pentecost and the Holy Spirit.

It is particularly associated with the benefits of practicing Buddhism; achievement, wisdom, virtue, fortune and dignity. He was also believed to have the power to resist evil. In China, red was commonly used on temple walls, pillars and gates.
And today I have a house with red, and almost like a temple. The place where I meditate and meet people on the same path.

When Dr. Getúlio passed away, I saw Dr. Rodrigo for the first time in 2016. I already had the second coma, the revolt with medicine, like medicine, hallucinations, pain and also. I also abandoned medicine, and without a Doctor. But the last time my grandmother lived in Ubatuba, I had taken Gardenal out and went to Samaritano in 2020.

Then I discovered Dr. Rodrigo Holanda, who is calm and put up with my explanations and I consider my thoughts, and he is the doctor who brought me back. I had seen him when Getulio died, but years later he became my doctor.

But that year my grandmother, without saying a word, left me as a gift in front of the sea. And from here I never fell. I start to learn new things and try every medication.

In those years I got to know Dr Rodrigo more and I didn’t stop taking medicine but I ended it when I had an internal war. Accept yourself.
.

But for me, what now I feel is every time I feel the adrenaline I take a breath and watch how the blood is red and floats. It doesn’t matter inside or outside the hospital. But I don’t abandon it because I know I have to make a balance between the brain and the mind.

I know that blood is like impermanence and it moves. And I see that it is a mourning with myself. With each meditation I have to
observe. And in a way that the way the red one I know I’m alive. Watch yourself.

And life is the most sacred thing we have. We just have to abandon our war with ourselves. And so red is inside and outside. So come visit me 🙂

With Love , Jules