My first coma was in Thailand, and it wasn’t even my first time there. And my mom said I stayed 30 days. Each time it seems to me that I am causing emotional things, and not knowing how to deal with my mind.

But I want to tell about what has long been supposed to tell.

First I see that every time it was related to feelings, and maybe spiritual.

Perhaps I should say that I have always been an atheist and have religious and philosophical friends in the world. But my grandmother said that “ I was the most religious because I wanted to love everyone, and she said that she was an atheist, and she ruled and respected everyone. “But I always felt lost and didn’t want to get stuck in any one.

I always considered that I was free from being prey to religion and I liked to read. And today it is easier to write than to read. I had many injuries to my brain.

But before my coma, I was dating a guy who said almost nothing else was true. But I don’t even want to focus on that. I mean that our mind will perceive through the mind. And the inner nervous began.

Gradually I should feel. And it was increasing my adrenaline and I went to tell Dr. Getulio, by email that I felt adrenaline, and I increased my gardenal.

There, in Thailand, I always said that it was my second home in the world. I had once been a volunteer teaching English to children, another year I had been working at a Mut Mee guest house when I dropped out of my PhD at the LSE.

I really wanted to go to Burma ( Myamar ), any year I tried I couldn’t until my coma.

It was the second time I tried to go there, because I had done Vipassana (10 days of meditation) in England. And they say it comes from there.

On that day, I was doing my visa and I started to feel energy, I needed to walk and breathe and women nurses came to take care of me. “It looks like you are having an epileptic seizure and should go to the hospital.” We went in and a doctor came, and I was fine and taking Gardenal. He told me to analyze myself, but I denied it.

I went back to an inn and I don’t know anything about it. My boyfriend took me to the hospital and called my parents to come.

My mother registered
“CRISIS September 2013 – enters a state of “epilepticus” in Bangkok. She is interned from the 2nd to the 20th of September at the St Louis Hospital in Bangkok, trying to control epileptic seizures. She has to be intubated to receive high doses of anticonvulsants (Depakote, Keppra) in addition to cortisone. Ruben and I are going there. When we managed to return to Sao Paulo, we stayed another week at Hospital Samaritano, when Dr. Getulio comments that, this time, the damage had been enormous. With schizophrenia of neurological origin, she undergoes treatment with clozapine with Dr. Euthymia Almeida Prado. doctor Getulio keeps Depakote and cortisone. It goes from 44 kg to about 60 kg. doctor Getulio is terrified and returns to Gardenal. Little by little, she recovers from the hallucinations and Dr Euthymia eliminates Clozapine, which is very bad for her. It’s almost like being reborn, except that you’re reborn as a teenager. She suffers from loss of neurons, from reading ability to cognition.”

I went back what I remember what always asks me what I saw in my Coma.

I saw myself in the hospital and talked in the language of Thailand and what I don’t know in that Coma. I argued about the treatment. Then I saw other planets, I went to a place under the earth and I saw my cousin and it was dark and a trip. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t even burning it was looking for places. In my coma I was traveling in the world end of the hospital. I could even speak in Thai, I could change places of the hospital and ask about the treatment but I was in coma.

But when I felt myself stop on the black bed and on one side I heard people fighting. It was between these people, and I was quiet and confused about the discussion. This me in a bed and on one side people fighting, and on the other side still, but once a woman appeared to me and asked if I wanted to live and die. This woman was very calm.

I was surprised that she asked me if I wanted to leave or die. I was surprised enough to watch it and she said it was my choice. When I said I wanted to live she asked me why I wanted to leave
.
I said I wanted it because of my grandmother and my boyfriend at the time.

She made the people in the discussion disappear, she didn’t exist anymore. Suddenly she made a glass of glass and I saw my grandmother falling, and my ex-boyfriend was walking away from me. It wasn’t in a cruel way, she wanted to let me know.

That from my coma I remember. I remember I thought I was poisoned. I felt it for many years.

But outside of the Coma, I would tell everyone that I was poisoned.

I’m not an atheist like before, but still lost , but what sets me free. I prefer to call her the Tara of Buddhism. Like my Gata Dao, which I feel is the spirituality of Taoism.

Everything I saw in my coma happened when I was awake, my grandmother fell, and my boyfriend left me. But to this day I’m grateful that he even took me to the hospital, and I could have spent years with my grandmother.

Sometimes I have hallucinations but I don’t even think about medicine, because inside the hospital I even felt hallucinations. But I take medicine for epilepsy and other medicines. From hallucination, the best remedy is to meditate.

The best way for me is to meditate, now the hardest thing is to learn to deal with ourselves.

I share because I think we can all improve. Don’t abandon yourself inside. And if you can pay attention to the nature and feel gratitude for the sun, of the moon, and the ground. And meditate to stable where you are

With Love,
Jules