Category Archives: Budhism

The brain and my mind 1

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I’m going to share my story of how when I was classified as a patient and to so many who look up to me, my brain was so wrecked and broken. And I know that there are even people who see me, as I was. But many see me that I am incapable of everything. But I tell you why, falls make me learn about life.

In any case, every time I wanted to see countries along the way, I thought that seeing them along the way would suggest the meaning of life. Even before and after being a patient in the Hospital.
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But I want to write, as I still can, and as I perceive how it seems to me to be reported by the brain. So I’ll break down how I was ranked in various ways.

Don’t think that I don’t value medicine, it’s the opposite. It’s the way I understood medicine, like alternative methods and cultures. So I discovered how everything is in our mind. So I’ll tell you slowly.

I started to feel different things and I was 26 years old. I was traveling in Morocco with my husband at that time Haiko Ballieux .

I wanted to go to Morocco for a while. I had left to visit the country of 3 very important people in my life. When I moved to the US in 2001, I met Leila, Mounia and Mustapha in college. All those who will make me teach things in my life. So I wanted to go and see what it was like there. I managed to go there in 2007 .

When I arrived in Marrakesh, Mounia had already done many beautiful things, and had even arranged a trip to the Salar. And I also wanted to go to Rabat, and to Casablanca. As Haiko had to go back to London I decided that I would get to know the country better, as I was getting enchanted.

I continued on to Chefchaouen and was blown away. .
I had been traveling alone for some time and the gentlemen invited me to travel in their car.

He was buying art from Morocco to sell in Spain and he thought it was dangerous for me to travel alone and that he might show me places along the way. I wasn’t afraid, but I thought it would be interesting to see the path, and Ceuta.

But when I was loving traveling around Morocco and the culture, I crossed over from Morocco to Spain. I was in the car and I think the beginning of the warm-up of the mind must have started. I’ve already stayed in a hotel and wanted to go back to Morocco, but without a car.

Going on foot was easy, but crossing the African border into Europe is a shock. From the side of Europe come the Africans who are desperate because nothing has worked in Europe. And when I crossed I saw Africans desperate for a better life on the other side.

I found a taxi and stopped in a city, I don’t remember the name of the city. I just kept thinking about what the border was like. I remember that at the border I was first in the Spaniards’ car, we were white and we didn’t even need to wait for anything, we didn’t even see the black Africans anymore. Already on foot I saw the black Africans and they told me that I should go ahead. I said I was the same as everyone else, but a man said to me “I think you don’t know the reality. “

I couldn’t even say anything because, among whites in Brazil and throughout America, and Latin America, we know how much discrimination there is, and in Europe. I had lived in all these areas of the world.

I remember wanting to stop traveling and go back to Marrakesh. When I arrived I told Moon everything, and that I came by bus and people don’t even respect traditions. The time of Ramadan had begun.

That night I went to sleep and with a thousand thoughts, I started to feel like I didn’t know what was going on in my head. I remember wanting to tell Moon, but getting in the way in the middle of the night. I was so confused I didn’t know what it was. I was afraid, because it seemed that he couldn’t get away from me. Because it happened in the middle of the night.

I started feeling a strong shock in the head and discovered involuntary movements in the fingers of one hand. And so I erased what erases you and the next day I told Mounia.

When I got back to London, I was on the flight and my right hand started moving. Next to me was a doctor, and he asked me if I took the medicine. I told him everything, I never have to take medicine. He told me that I should go see a doctor

I just saw the place of public doctors. First a general doctor came, and I had to tell him what happened, I told him and he called the second one and I had to repeat what I told him, he called the third doctor and told me that I needed to go to the hospital. That is, he realized it was a neurology case.

It made me desperate.

In October 2007 I was admitted to St Mary’s Hospital, in London, where they did an MRI that showed demyelinating lesions in the brain. I fell asleep in the Hospital for the first time.

I go against the hospital’s instructions to collect cerebrospinal fluid, leave the hospital and not take the prescribed anticonvulsants. I had even asked Haiko not to tell my parents.

I started looking for alternative medicine treatments.

But in 2008 and I was talking to my mom, and my Skype words wouldn’t come out. So I wrote it down. It was calm, but my mother bought it quickly to start seeing me sick.

As I left my mother’s writing
“ 2/14/08 – She is speechless while talking to me on Skype. He arrives in Brazil on the same night and is admitted to Hospital Samaritano, where he stays from 02/15 to 02/26, under the care of Dr. Getulio Rabello, neurologist. There she undergoes all kinds of tests and nothing wrong is found, but she already leaves with a slight sequel in her speech (exchange of syllables) and Dr Getulio even suspects Multiple Sclerosis.”

That made me desperate, taking the exam, touching your body, your head, etc.

But I don’t even want to talk about exams. I want to tell you about the positive things. Because I’m learning how many beautiful things we learn through the falls.

It was even in the hospital, I learned that I was accepted for my master’s at the LSE, I wouldn’t have learned cognition. Nor would I have fallen and gone to India and learned Buddhism and meditation.

But I also want to tell slowly because I will be classified with several diseases, and I have also been in the hospital when I didn’t take medication for Epilepsy, and even when I didn’t take it. I already lost talking and walking and coming back. Forget things and remember. I’ve had hallucinations, pain, etc.

But I’m telling little by little that I’m even happier and better than I fell. So every second I breathe, I already see my life. Almost everything is here you need to break free like me,
With love,
Jules

Compassion to those who say hard things is possibility of a good lesson for the path

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There is no day that Mr. Colly does not send messages to me. I met him in Vietnam last year in October. Andre was looking at something and I saw this older man saying hard things to no one. Saying critical words to Vietnam. Being me, I went to speak to him. I felt and still do that he is very sad.

He is from England and he loves China. He worked in China and found a girl that will be this year his wife, and as I spoke to him, I felt sad. I however thought it was cruel to abandon him, so Andre and I invited him to eat together. He chose an Indian place because it was close. He is so full of information. He speaks nonstop.

He was so critical to Vietnam and had huge admiration of the power of China. When I told him I love HH Dalai Lala he told me in china most people want him killed.

Mr. Colly is from Oxford, he is intelligent but so unhappy. I even gave him my WhatsApp number, he sends messages every day to me. They are articles, photos, and china anthem. I make him speak to Andre. He talks to him sometimes and I do it because I know what it is loneliness and sadness. He never accepts my perception.

His perception is the power of China which is the reality. For his reality UK broke but he also has a passport of the US and is getting married with a Chinese woman “That is powerful”.

Mr. Colly attacks the president of Brasil, Bolsonaro. Talks about the huge violence there is in Brasil. The murders etc. nothing really makes me feel too bad because I know it is true.

He sais “China is growing fast, The UK is broke, there is too much difference of classes in Brasil.”

I dislike the president, I am for the Indigenous in Brasil but I don’t read so many articles but when he talks and sends photos of Tibetans being hurt I suffered very much.

Many years ago, I went for the first time to India with Haiko. He had been there before, but I had not even thought of going. I arrived and I was shocked. Those who have been to India and are not from a tradition of there know it is hard.

India makes us wake up. India should never been seen for weeks. You have to learn to deal with the hard and then you start to love India. There is no middle way. Either you love or you hate.

I hated India when I arrived but as I stayed so I love so much. And I went back and always miss India. When I went the first time I arrived and went to Mc Leod Ganj. Haiko and I were atheist, agnostics and when we arrived there, we saw that HH Dalai Lama was giving a free course of Buddhism.

We went there and as I sat close to two women. They spoke Portuguese of the style of Brasil, so I said Hello and they were surprised I was from Brasil. I spoke to them and we became friends when HH Dalai Lama arrived.

I could tell a million things of what I have and am learning of Tibetan Buddhism. Denise made me meet HH Karmapa and I was shocked. I thought it would be like seeing Dalai Lama with many people around.

Dalai Lama when he saw monks of different clothes of Tibet, he returned to put them close to him. I was amazed. Dalai Lama amazed me he did not ask anyone to be Buddhist, did not consider different style of Buddhism was bad. So, when I was invited to see Karmapa I accepted without knowing what it meant.

I took my computer to find out since we had done a deal with Denise who invited us. I found out he was considered the Tibetan monk who had reincarnated 17 times, most for compassion. He had done more than HH Dalai Lama.

I was amazed but I went imagining it would be like seeing Dalai Lama full of foreigners to hear a class. I was right. There were many people there to see him, but there were many Tibetans who came to see him. I was amazed by it.

Denise then explained me when the course finished we had a private meeting with HH Karmapa because she had organized a long time before, I was shocked. I was not using specific clothes to see him. When I ask how to buy one. A monk gave me a scarf as a gift. I have it til today.

My private meeting was amazing. HH Karmapa knew about my brain and I was shocked. Me the non-believer was very moved. I will not tell more about this.

I want to tell that because the amazing gift Denise asked me to give, a favor which was to bring clothes to London. That was even a most amazing gift. The clothes were for Lama Lobsang who taught Buddhism in England and Europe. He used to come to my house. I used to go to his house and this way I learned so much about Buddhism.

I became very close to Tibetans and when I met Lingtrul Rinpoche it became even more clear that those tears that came suddenly, he explained it is because we know each other for many lives.

That also happened in Peru when I met Isabel who lives in Peru but is from Chile. I met her through Tibetan Buddhism. She is very close to Tibetans.

Yesterday I read a little about Mr. Colly I told him we would never be the same. “I would always love Dalai Lama and you would always think like a Chinese.” He told me only by Tibetans via China and that all younger Tibetans are getting money from China. They are learning Mandarin and that HH does nothing. I kept saying it is the same style of those who want to change the indigenous in Brasil. They do not accept different traditions.

I wonder why the world is so divided like that? The truth is that Mr. Colly thinks that the Tibetans will be happier with money and forgetting ideas of traditions. I do not understand how could it be that material things are the important thing in life. It is hard to relate to those people who give value to material things.

The most interesting is that I did Vipassana before and was vegetarian for a long time. I had never realized why. Mr. Colly in January he was eating a dog. I was so sad. But the truth I never liked eating an animal thinking they have thoughts.

Mr. Colly makes me return and understand that my friend Machiek, who has done Vipassana for a very long time, reminds me it is there that I started to not eat animals. I ate again when I forgot.

Vipassana is present in many countries and teaches to be present and meditate without talking, reading, phones.

I don’t say you have to do it. I say try if you are in a case of “I am here and need every second a film, a book, a work. If you need peace. Try to do Vipassana.

China wants Tibet different for economic reasons. No money will solve our internal problems. Mr. Colly would never do Vipassana. I speak to him as much as I can. I realized that sometimes even with his hard words, makes me go back to be vegetarian and to find how the path was.

With our falls, always should be seen as a positive to go back to the path that we had as a child, or the place we were better with the hopes of you and the others.