The brain and my mind 1

I’m going to share my story of how when I was classified as a patient and to so many who look up to me, my brain was so wrecked and broken. And I know that there are even people who see me, as I was. But many see me that I am incapable of everything. But I tell you why, falls make me learn about life.

In any case, every time I wanted to see countries along the way, I thought that seeing them along the way would suggest the meaning of life. Even before and after being a patient in the Hospital.
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But I want to write, as I still can, and as I perceive how it seems to me to be reported by the brain. So I’ll break down how I was ranked in various ways.

Don’t think that I don’t value medicine, it’s the opposite. It’s the way I understood medicine, like alternative methods and cultures. So I discovered how everything is in our mind. So I’ll tell you slowly.

I started to feel different things and I was 26 years old. I was traveling in Morocco with my husband at that time Haiko Ballieux .

I wanted to go to Morocco for a while. I had left to visit the country of 3 very important people in my life. When I moved to the US in 2001, I met Leila, Mounia and Mustapha in college. All those who will make me teach things in my life. So I wanted to go and see what it was like there. I managed to go there in 2007 .

When I arrived in Marrakesh, Mounia had already done many beautiful things, and had even arranged a trip to the Salar. And I also wanted to go to Rabat, and to Casablanca. As Haiko had to go back to London I decided that I would get to know the country better, as I was getting enchanted.

I continued on to Chefchaouen and was blown away. .
I had been traveling alone for some time and the gentlemen invited me to travel in their car.

He was buying art from Morocco to sell in Spain and he thought it was dangerous for me to travel alone and that he might show me places along the way. I wasn’t afraid, but I thought it would be interesting to see the path, and Ceuta.

But when I was loving traveling around Morocco and the culture, I crossed over from Morocco to Spain. I was in the car and I think the beginning of the warm-up of the mind must have started. I’ve already stayed in a hotel and wanted to go back to Morocco, but without a car.

Going on foot was easy, but crossing the African border into Europe is a shock. From the side of Europe come the Africans who are desperate because nothing has worked in Europe. And when I crossed I saw Africans desperate for a better life on the other side.

I found a taxi and stopped in a city, I don’t remember the name of the city. I just kept thinking about what the border was like. I remember that at the border I was first in the Spaniards’ car, we were white and we didn’t even need to wait for anything, we didn’t even see the black Africans anymore. Already on foot I saw the black Africans and they told me that I should go ahead. I said I was the same as everyone else, but a man said to me “I think you don’t know the reality. “

I couldn’t even say anything because, among whites in Brazil and throughout America, and Latin America, we know how much discrimination there is, and in Europe. I had lived in all these areas of the world.

I remember wanting to stop traveling and go back to Marrakesh. When I arrived I told Moon everything, and that I came by bus and people don’t even respect traditions. The time of Ramadan had begun.

That night I went to sleep and with a thousand thoughts, I started to feel like I didn’t know what was going on in my head. I remember wanting to tell Moon, but getting in the way in the middle of the night. I was so confused I didn’t know what it was. I was afraid, because it seemed that he couldn’t get away from me. Because it happened in the middle of the night.

I started feeling a strong shock in the head and discovered involuntary movements in the fingers of one hand. And so I erased what erases you and the next day I told Mounia.

When I got back to London, I was on the flight and my right hand started moving. Next to me was a doctor, and he asked me if I took the medicine. I told him everything, I never have to take medicine. He told me that I should go see a doctor

I just saw the place of public doctors. First a general doctor came, and I had to tell him what happened, I told him and he called the second one and I had to repeat what I told him, he called the third doctor and told me that I needed to go to the hospital. That is, he realized it was a neurology case.

It made me desperate.

In October 2007 I was admitted to St Mary’s Hospital, in London, where they did an MRI that showed demyelinating lesions in the brain. I fell asleep in the Hospital for the first time.

I go against the hospital’s instructions to collect cerebrospinal fluid, leave the hospital and not take the prescribed anticonvulsants. I had even asked Haiko not to tell my parents.

I started looking for alternative medicine treatments.

But in 2008 and I was talking to my mom, and my Skype words wouldn’t come out. So I wrote it down. It was calm, but my mother bought it quickly to start seeing me sick.

As I left my mother’s writing
“ 2/14/08 – She is speechless while talking to me on Skype. He arrives in Brazil on the same night and is admitted to Hospital Samaritano, where he stays from 02/15 to 02/26, under the care of Dr. Getulio Rabello, neurologist. There she undergoes all kinds of tests and nothing wrong is found, but she already leaves with a slight sequel in her speech (exchange of syllables) and Dr Getulio even suspects Multiple Sclerosis.”

That made me desperate, taking the exam, touching your body, your head, etc.

But I don’t even want to talk about exams. I want to tell you about the positive things. Because I’m learning how many beautiful things we learn through the falls.

It was even in the hospital, I learned that I was accepted for my master’s at the LSE, I wouldn’t have learned cognition. Nor would I have fallen and gone to India and learned Buddhism and meditation.

But I also want to tell slowly because I will be classified with several diseases, and I have also been in the hospital when I didn’t take medication for Epilepsy, and even when I didn’t take it. I already lost talking and walking and coming back. Forget things and remember. I’ve had hallucinations, pain, etc.

But I’m telling little by little that I’m even happier and better than I fell. So every second I breathe, I already see my life. Almost everything is here you need to break free like me,
With love,
Jules

We should have less fear and make a path in the path we believe we are helping all the people in the world.

Rewriting is interesting. Suddenly I come Back to writing it is interesting. Suddenly I am coming back. Writing is interesting. Suddenly things come to my mind.

I remember that Dr Getulio use to tell me that I should write about things about my epileptic that we knew nothing what it came from. To tell how I felt.

Dr. Getulio was my dear doctor with whom I always had conflicts about our ideas.

Dr Getulio died of running. He had a heart attack and went to the hospital and, like me, he was in a coma, but he did not come back.

Dr. Getulio always used to say that every epileptic seizure would make my brain be destroyed.

The first epileptic seizure happen when I was in Morocco, at the house of my friend Mounia (Moon).

There are three people from Morocco who are very important in my life.

Mounia, Leila and Mustapha. Mounia is a great artist, Leila an incredible photographer and Mustapha an incredible teacher in my life. He did the “decolonizing the mind” that class meant a lot to me till today.

I met the 3 in Long Island in NY. I went to college at Hofstra and had won a scholarship from Ibeu.

I arrived 10 days before 9 11. Even in Long Island I could hear the explosion.

That changed me a lot. My friends from Morocco had to explain that they were not terrorists. All students from Muslim countries had to explain and I became more interested in learning what was going on in the Middle East.

I ended up winning another Hofstra scholarship to study international politics in Amsterdam in the Netherlands.

There I met Haiko. Haiko was my first husband. Even today he is my friend. The separation I invented to abandon my doctorate which was at the LSE in London. My doctorate was about Israel and Palestine. I l left and went to travel.

Before my doctorate and master’s degree I lived in London and I went to Morocco to know the country of my friends.

Mounia arranged an incredible trip for me Haiko and our friend Adriana to go to the Sahara desert. It was amazing.

We went to other beautiful places together like Marrakech, Rabat, Casablanca, but Haiko and Adriana had to go back to work and I decided to stay to know the city that Felipe had told me it was beautiful.m

Felipe had won the same scholarship and it was he who wrote me to go to Hofstra. Me as a spoiled person I even though I might not want to go. Felipe inspired me to go to US.

He had gone to Morocco many years before I went. He had loved and told me that it was beautiful Chefchaouen.

I went and loved it. I met two Spanish gentlemen who were shocked that I was traveling alone. They bought things from Morocco and sold it in Spain.

I explained that it was regular to me to travel alone since I was young woman. In any case they offered to give me a ride to go to Spain.

I did not even know it learned that Spain had land in Africa. I accepted the offer.

The lords were very nice to me and made me see many places until I reached the border. I crossed to Ceuta. When I got in the car, no one from the border looked at me. They just looked at my passport.

I was sad and shocked by Celta. I stayed at the hotel and returned on foot to return to Morocco. Then I saw what I have already written and I will never forget.

Too many queues but they sent me to the front. Africans returning to Africa with the face of sadness. The dream of having a a better life in Europe destroyed. When I crossed I went to see those who tried to cross to Europe with the dream of improve their life.

I took a taxi. At the border there were many of them. And I did not even know where to go. I went from town to town and returned to Marrakech.

I saw my friend Leila, I saw Mounia. We walk. And suddenly from my last days in Morocco I go to sleep and I started feeling electricity in the body. Never had it before. It comes in the body and goes up. It made me feel run from myself.

There is no escape from yourself. And suddenly it goes to the head and I fall in the bed where I was already.

Without have ever having been sick in Morocco. Never having been sad or angry. I was in the place of my friends and everything was perfect in my trip.

I remember when I woke up and told Moon she told the lady who worked there . She prayed in a Moroccan way. I spoke to the doctor and did not think it was anything.

Mounia and Leila were my college friends. Mounia came to my first marriage in Holland. Leila lived with me in NY. Mustapha has always made me think of decolonizing the mind. I worked with him in college.

In my first coma Leila would call me to help me to speak French again. Mustapha wanted to know what was happening to me. On my second marriage to my love André, Leila came here to Brazil.

I got married in September 2015. Leila was killed in Ouagadogou in January 2016. Dr Getulio died in February 2016. And I went to the hospital again. I felt bad. They did not know what it was. They thought it was Vasculitis. They gave me cortisone. And I went to Burma alone. Andre and I moved to Peru and again I felt sich and I go to Brasil and I am induced to Coma in Brasil. This time without Dr Getulio and Leila.

I tell all this to say that Dr Getulio searched for years and died doing what he loves. Leila was doing what she loves.

Felipe a great filmmaker is making a movie about Leila now.

Written all this is to tell that we do not know much about our life. The most important thing is to give value to all our actions.

I hope we can all do what we believe is the best not only for us, for the world.

I hope people understand that people have different perceptions. We are all are going to depart from our lifes.

We need to be less afraid. And accept how the path is. Even with my great longing for Leila and Getulio I know they died doing what they love and thinking about the others.