My dear friends, I love sharing my lessons, my falls, and I see the beauty of life in beginning to learn.

It mainly started during moments of contradiction in my brain, but I feel it right there in my mind.

Even with the words I already felt at that moment, I sensed the possibility of what I didn’t want to hear. I was born already feeling the injustice of our world, but I didn’t perceive all of this internal struggle; I looked at it from the outside. In a way, an internal loneliness devalued my existence.

Some words from Buddhism made me realize that the basis of my suffering is indeed dissatisfaction and the attachment of my brain and my mind. The pain from there comes anger, jealousy, my ego. In fact, the illness begins to become apparent. It’s the path of trying to diminish it.

Yes, it did take a while to realize I could be happy, to be present. But it started in 2007 when I was 26 years old and had my first epileptic seizure and began losing parts of my brain. This happened when I was in Morocco. From there I started traveling to India and learning about Buddhism.

I had two Comas, one in Thailand and another in Peru, in São Paulo. There I felt a strong loss of areas of my brain. But my last brain lesions were in 2021. But it’s not the pain, it’s the brain, it’s our mind.

In 2021, my last lesion was very hard; losing the ability to speak, write, read, and being lost in my mind. Or rather, I would say, the certainties of the mind don’t forget, but I couldn’t explain it to another person. But along the way, without my own words being very clear, came meditation and veganism, and feeling nature. Sometimes, lost, even touching a tree to understand myself, the earth as Mother Earth, and trying to write and listen to what I write.

And there, even with brain injuries, I felt the silence and the meditations. Today I try to observe the flow of thought and even observe the pain, the breath, the separation, and just observe the impermanence of everything. I learned to always look at any situation in a positive way. And in fact, this helped me recover.

This even made me start to observe if I had other lives, or future lives. But suddenly, as you can see, there our silence is considered selfish because of our silent attack on the minds of all of us.

This fall made me observe the present; almost everything is similar. I even start to see my cats, how the new one is jealous, that psychologically we think we came from my life. But there we see, through recordings, that the cats alone don’t fight in silence when we leave, but when we arrive, the fights and the drama begin, wanting us to see and demonstrate.

So many people consider only human beings to be elevated, enlightened, but I feel that every being has the potential for fear, ego, jealousy, and anger, just like us. I even feel it’s not by chance that my cat Dao appeared by chance; she may be a being who came close to me as a human being who can become enlightened. I even feel that for a human being to feel more elevated, it seems like a form of ego.

Veganism changed me, as did Buddhism and my friends, who seem to be in a spiritual way. We began to deal with compassion for all beings.

My existence has always been about words, but losing words and experiencing errors in my brain made me identify more with acts like cats, because I don’t quite understand what they want to demonstrate.

That made me identify a lot with the film Flow; it identifies the different animals, without words, it made me see the beauty of existence, which isn’t identical to the origins of a being. That reminded me that losing my mind isn’t about the mind.

It makes me think, dear patients, it’s not this loss that signifies negativity, it’s more about where the decolonization of the mind begins.

That’s where we can begin to discover the origin of the pain that comes from relaxation, from dissatisfaction, from impermanence, and discover the ego, jealousy, anger, and we can’t even perceive this impermanence; we just need to see the consciousness of our existence.

There I am trying to lessen these mistakes of mine, trying all the right actions.

It always makes me ponder how, during my first coma, a woman came to me and asked, “Do you want to live or die?”, as if she were Tara, since it happened in a Buddhist country. But a girl asked me what I would say if it happened again during my third coma. I think it’s been two years that I’ve always pondered this. Today I think that our existence never disappears.

We just need to evolve from our mistakes, from our minds, from our souls, it made me see that we are all the same lives, and evolve in our compassion for everything. There it is where it is comin peace.

With love Jules