I really have to let go of this Chico thing in my mind.

But this time it’s difficult. I stayed with André and Chico and tried to eat in my little house, and he doesn’t even notice that everything is being eaten by the ant. Ju always stays by my side so I can eat, but she’s traveling like this. André doesn’t notice my anger, and this soft food that the ant makes. Or worse, does he notice my anger and wants me to evolve?

But it’s difficult, since Chico, even worse, has a chef’s palate and eats everything and invades all the food in the big house; he opens the oatmeal, the bread, the papaya, and these human beings can’t even imagine everything he invades. If I tried to stay close to André, he would go and run to get to everything.

It’s hard that they put me, like you, as a cat psychologist. And one hour into the office, three seconds later he jumps on another chair and I started doing the same thing with anger, hatred and worse, I’m not even like myself and I’m depressed.

I’ve been getting really sad about how I used to be, alone at home with birds, rats and possums visiting, and now Chico lives at home every day and he had even told me that I had to adapt. I had adapted to Gandhi who always comes to eat. Or rather, before everything was better, from this inpermanence they say, I couldn’t even imagine how it was before it was better. Is it time for me to realize how it will even be that more cats will appear?

But at least Jules understands. But I see that before I could go to the house in São Paulo, then to her friend Lu’s house, and to Joana Maura’s house and I wouldn’t do anything. But if Chico went to their house, he would do it until we cats could no longer exist. This time Ju went traveling and I had to stay home.

But because you made me think about what Jules means to me. And I never thought she meant anything. And that question made me forget a lot about Chico.

Even worse whenJules arrived and didn’t even see me, just looking at nothing very clear, as if she was like Chico too. Worse still, in the middle of the night I screamed because I wanted to catch a lizard.

But I could say that “My unbalanced words are the luxury of my silence.” Clarice Lispector

When she saw the lizard, she wanted to teach me that life has value, but then I saw the hypocrisy since Jules also put poison on the ant. Since she doesn’t want to let me kill the bird, and worse, the lizard, and she wanted to talk about beautiful things. Well, her psychology made me lose focus on Chico’s hatred, she turned to Jules who doesn’t even help me with what I want.

Well,

If you are on the right path, go forward; if you are on the wrong path, go back. Lao Tse

Recuo das reflexões, isso me afasta de estar presente .

Dao

As my memory is faulty, I can even see that it is beautiful. Because there are indeed some things that mark us. But so many things have disappeared, that’s okay

Yes, some things stuck with me. One was Lama Lobsang who said pain is a gift. And Dr. Getúlio Rabello told me I should write what I felt when I got sick. It left an impression on me like last year I would say to a girl when I told her about my coma. This makes me ponder.

In my first coma, I saw a woman who asked me if I wanted to live or die. I remember I said I wanted it because of my grandmother, and my boyfriend at that time. This is something spiritual in my opinion, and I don’t even know who it is. That was in 2013.

Well, it’s not that girl I told, she told me “And if it were now, what would you say.”

It touched me so much and I didn’t even know what to respond. Today I think my downfall, my injuries brought me more happiness, learning how to observe pain, and being around these new friends, and people who didn’t abandon me like I was.

I think I love life, and it reminds me of my first neurologist Dr Getúlio who told me, “You write well, intelligently because instead of books why don’t you write for us doctors. You have to describe what you feel.”

What I would say to Dr Getúlio, “you shouldn’t scare the patient, try where I felt the pain. You can breathe and move the pain to another place. You can help me realize that pain is your friend to find out. What if You know how to meditate, you will be able to do it even if you dominate your mind, but you need to see that pain is your friend to help you, it wants to show you how to live, that’s how we are born, but you know, we have to observe pain and protect our mind, and take it away. fear. Fear harms our lives”

I would also tell him that he should tell his patients that we use 3 percent of the brain, and I only learned about it after my brain injuries . There, in that moment of despair, we have to encourage thinking about the positive things about falls, not the negative things. Even stimulating other areas of the brain that I never used. I would even say that food is very related to the mind, it helps me recover. I knew none of this before my illness, which changes its name all the time

Well, I, with brain injuries, write wrong, not ashamed of mistakes due to disability, I like to write everything for everyone, peace, the soul doesn’t get stuck in the negative, my mistakes make me do everything slowly. And I even counted my mistakes of the soul.

These days I opened up to Monja Tenzin and my new friends after my injuries

You know since 2013 that I always think I was invented, it goes back and forth in my mind.

Nun Tenzin told me
“You who had 2 comas and brain injuries have improved a lot, but it’s still not everything, but you have to think about how well you are, sometimes you can create new fantasy scenarios. It may not be. good for avoiding negative things.

And even if it’s true 💚, whatever we can do, that’s okay. Even if we can do it. If people don’t like us, but we let it in our hearts let it go down. Think only about positive things. “

So yes, you know, I would tell everyone if I’m better it’s because I want to encourage everyone not to get stuck in a classification of a disease, and injuries. In fact, my blog is classified as decolonind my Mind. But it is in Portuguese.

.
Before, I didn’t even know what I wanted to decolonize from. Today I think I don’t want to decolonize the prisons of my mind and want to prove it.

I write to understand that if I had this coma and this girl came, I must make everyone realize that we have lost the speed of being present. It even makes me observe everything with compassion.

So if I had the third coma, I would say “I want to live close to people with beautiful spirituality to tell about my ego, and discover what I want to free myself from and tell so that no one is trapped in a classification of illness as if we don’t exist, because that’s where we discover the beauty of existence

But you know, we don’t need another coma, but it is in our fall that we will slowly realize that the Pain comes from the spiritual side of the people around you and you didn’t even realize it. There I see the beauty of life

With Love Jules.