I always wanted to write a book, but little by little like a Lotus Flower, and in the middle of a Mandala. And these days on my way I discovered how Lotus is our life.
I learned that it is one of the most important symbols for Buddhism. And my first coma in Thailand in 2013, I almost died and with a lot of brain damage. But even if I had seen it, I didn’t know how much it meant. And actually it wasn’t even the first time I’ve been to Asia. It has help me to understand how I feel.
It wasn’t even the first time I went to Thailand, the first time I volunteered to teach English even with the children once. It wasn’t even the time I worked at an inn. I had dropped out of my PhD at the LSE, and I didn’t even know what I wanted to do and I went to India again. Even more lost and they’ll call me the Mut Mee Inn. In a funny way because I felt more at home.
But when I first went to India, and I already had my first epileptic seizure, I was classified as I was. It happened in Morocco and I went to London and they started seeing me as a patient. And indeed, every year changes what neurologists think. And indeed we know that the mind and the brain are a mystery.
But it was in 2013 that I wrote a book in English, based on my blogs. This book is called Mosaic, which makes me smile because life is ironic.
Funny, it wasn’t even the first time I went to Asia, it was in 2004. For the first time I went to visit the house of a friend from China, and she came here to Ubatuba.
Says my mother, who” in 2007 – woke up in the middle of the night, at a friend’s house in Morocco, feeling a strong shock in her head and noticing involuntary movements in the fingers of one hand. Although scared, she goes back to sleep and, the next day, she can’t even tell if it was real or a dream. On the plane, already back in London, where she was living, she again feels the involuntary movements of the fingers of that hand.”
But I remember that I wanted to keep it a secret, I even stopped talking once and went to the hospital and 2008
I ended up in the hospital in Brazil.
I did a lot of exams, and here comes fear and frustration, and Dr Getulio even suspects Multiple Sclerosis. And that still questioned everything.
Then I went to India, hoping to get to know another culture. I graduated as an Anthropologist, and music.
There I started to admire the culture and I learned about Buddhism without even realizing it. Sometimes I feel that what we are is already inside and nobody has to convince you. Sometimes since 2008
Now that I have my house, I’m even told it looks Asian. I see daily everything that reminds me that I went through the world, and reminds me of those who came. And in a way I feel more for the world. As much as I lived around the world, and all my friends who came here.
I never traveled in the elite, nor could I nor wanted to. But I did couchsurfer and hosted , and friends around the world. That’s how I feel about the world. Sometimes I can’t call it a place, but a flow through the channel.
My first time going to India, I ended up in Dharamshala. There I got more into Buddhism and didn’t even realize it. I was so moved to see Tibetan lamas doing the Mandala and undoing. That made me understand why I was never so attached to some things, but it was in Ubatuba that I got more into Buddhism, I understood.
In a way, it even reminds me of college mates and chouch. They came from Heartburn, America, Latin America, Africa and the Middle East. In other words, the people of the world. .All of them made me learn so many things, but in a way Heartburn is more present.
I was at a party, and when I entered the house with a flag of Tibet, I asked the lady if she was a Buddhist and she said no. I told him that I had been to India and had happened to arrive on the day of the Dalai Lama’s class.
Already, already with the prejudices, I went to send a message to a Buddhist friend and I met her in the Dalai Lama’s class, in India. She introduced me to HH Karmapa, and I didn’t even know who he was. And because of her I met many Lamas.
I wasn’t even looking yet. But it would always appear in my routine. I know that the next day this lady texted me and said “You know you don’t have to go to Asia to see a monk. Here comes a Lama from Nepal.”
Precisely to find out who this Lama from Nepal was. But that year I started to participate more in the Buddhism meetings.
Every week I meditate and learn Buddhism. My new friends Thalita and Ana Paula and who make us lose something, let go of something we don’t even care about, but it’s giving up things that attach us. Just as we have to let go, how to keep the departed.
This year she realized that she was more attached to one thing. It was a cup of tea my friend gave me and passed away. It was my concern to lose what he symbolized to me. But when I broke it, I understood what a Mandala was. It was there that I learned that nothing holds our mind, as long as we want to.
It was from my friend Sho. I met him in New York at an Indian restaurant. He studied at the same college and wrote me a letter and sent me a message on paper. It said he thinks we met a long time ago. At the time I thought it was a silly letter. But Sho’s family is from India.
But Sho became a friend that I met in several countries. And he was home several times, and a few times before he passed away. I ended up in the hospital because things attack me emotionally. A thing of the mind and your spirit is here. My meditation fluctuates with your release.
This touches my soul because it starts to recognize me as I am. This one recognizing me and wanting to share how we fell and were reborn. And I am enormously grateful, as ana paula told me today.
“We have to open new channels” and I hope they come to visit me “Go with the flow, relaxed”.
But with my comas, I feel like the mandala and the flowers and the lotus, I feel that I write in my own way, I make mistakes, but I follow the path.