Meditation is helping me profoundly to feel better.
I’ve been meditating even in bed when I go to sleep, and even when I wake up. And I even learn from silence, and I see a debate within you. I used to wake up very early, and even before sunrise, and I don’t sleep much, and it turns into a headache.
It even helped me with my anger, contrary to what I think. And even realizing who is angry, and internal pain.
And even when I’m verbally attacked, I always try to fight for the words. I try to let go of the words, we can let go
Our fight is internal, and I’ve always been one to run away from what disagreed with me. And I feel like I’m even dealing with how I’m trying to simply listen to the anger of someone who attacks me. I even feel compassion, because it’s not easy to deal with as we are.
Now I see that the other’s is yours. So, how do I see that I even see my aggressiveness in my words. I try to be quieter, and observe. Even I understand the value of the word of silence, like love and not like listening, and thinking negatively.
But I’m always one of the words, but I try to decolonize my mind. And I learned more from my friend Ruan. I always learn from talking with others.
Yesterday I learned with Ruan, and he is 5 years old. I was sitting in the hammock and he was on the sofa, which was in front. He’s shy. And there were 5 adults and my friend Ruan. I had told him that I’m not an aunt, I’m my friend Jules.
I made a throw-a-throw-me gesture. I thought of joking and looked him in the eye. He had once learned to look with compassion.
He looked at me, surprised at first and then he started to stare more and more with one eye wide open. Then I started to surprise myself. He kept looking me in the eyes and I looked and made the gesture of throwing the pillow.
That was on my mind. He got up and walked over and came back. And I made the same gesture to play, but he got up and went to touch my hand.
I was so surprised and touched. He came back and sat on the sofa. I asked what I was seeing.
He was quiet, and I was thinking and I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t mean it was a game. He had looked deeply. I said “I traveled the planet, and you”. And he said “I saw you Santa Claus”
That touched me, made me see that silence is profound. What we see is what we want. So I feel the silence, a meditation is compassion.
So I try. Though it has always been about debate, escape, meditation reminds us that silence sets us free. And all compassion.
With love, Jules