Being explosive is easier than being calm

You know I’m explosive, and I always have been. But I’ve been trying to be calm. I’ve even thought about the people I know. And who stayed close to my life.

My dad said it’s because we’re Spain and Italy type. My grandmother Jandira played on several instruments and had her blast. It’s true, but I’ve always been on the run. Or stronger since I got out of it which I disagree with. I was greatly influenced by many teachers and friends from all regions of the world.

But, my mother, my brother, my grandmother Lúcia, my husband André, my first husband Haiko, and several friends are already on the side of the calmer ones. And they’re also from all over the world.

Explosives that talk a lot, that calm people already know how to listen better than we do. And the quiet ones always prefer their inner stuff

Now when I train to stay calm, I sometimes see the explosion of the calm ones and I’m even happy. But it’s hard when they attack us from the inside. And I end up attacking back. So I had thought a lot about cognition.

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I always talked a lot with my friend Andrey, and he is from Russia and we were doing a PhD at LSE. I remember we talked a lot about cognition.

I know that my beloved teachers Maurice Bloch and Rita Astuti influenced me to question. How do I know that Professor Mustapha took the Decolonize the Mind class.

These days I was calm, as I was training to meditate and keep my mind calm. But one day I went to spend a day of conversations and it was strong. My mind was calm, but a calm person, he would get angry. That’s when I went to record the funny stories, when the person next to him got desperate.

He asked me to delete it, I declined. And it wasn’t even about him in the end. And I wanted not to forget. Well he snatched it out of my hand.

I got angry inside me. I left and when I went to sleep and even got up I went out to write. After all, in the same place I made calm criticisms and couldn’t even sleep.

I started figuring out the laws, then I focused on all the conversations. And he had told me about his psychologist.

Well, at 3 am I wanted to make a review. So I wanted to say that the psychologist, and it was old for many years. I remembered the criticisms I had on my PhD and cognition. It was wonderful and I went to find articles on cognitive psychology and cognitive science. But the past stays in our body.

The next day I had chest pain, cold sore and when I went to see that in addition to that it comes from immunity and emotional. And it’s been days because my body has turned into pain.

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But today, when I meditated, there was silence. In it, I felt something that came to my mind. It was clear. I learned that in the silent and the pain is all within. And I say explosive knots, it’s easier than calm. Even harder is that explosive nodes don’t see how calm ones don’t forget. But in that inner silence I want to be. It is the place of Peace.

With love,
Jules

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