Hope

I am profoundly happy. I know most of my friends Know I was in coma two times. I want to tell the great things of a fall.

The first time I was in Thailand with a boyfriend. I had an Epileptic attack. It was not my first attack in my life, in Thailand. I love Asia.

Anyway I was then induced to coma. I was abandoned by the boyfriend. I was treated by my family and Dr Getulio.

As time went by I met Andre and we went to Venezuela. We climbed, we traveled, we got married and Andre got a Job in Sao Paulo, Brasil.

I told him we should move to Peru. He got his job there and we moved to Lima.

Dr Getúlio dies and suddenly I started to feel bad.

In many years they were trying to find out why I have epilepsy.

The first epileptic attack was in Marrakesh in Morocco. I returned to London and I told to Haiko, my first husband, and great friend till these day, then in the past he told me to speak to a doctor. They were afraid of my words.

I never knew what was epilepsy. I simply said the truth.

I said

“I was in the bed of the beautiful house of my friend. I put my head up and felt it went going up. I fell in bed. I woke up and did not know what had happened. Was it a dream?”

As I spoke , the doctor told more doctors to come to hear. They agreed and told me I had to go to hospital.

As I went to I was deeply afraid. They did loads of exams and Haiko had to leave. I was so afraid.  As time went by they told me I had epilepsy. I have to take medicine and return.

I left and put it away. I did not want to take it. I started to look for alternative ways.

I did not tell my family in Brasil I have had an epileptic attack. As 6 months went by and I was on the phone with my mom suddenly I was blocked to speak. My mom was confused. I could not speak but I could write what was happening.

My mom desperately told me to go to the airport and to fly to Brasil.

As I arrived in Sao Paulo, as fast as I could, I am taken to Samaritano hospital and it is there that I have the luck to meet Dr Getulio.

He did everything to find out what was behind my attacks. For so many years I came to Brasil to find our but never showed nothing.

I kept doing what I wanted. I did Master, PhD and I decided to abandon it all.

Haiko was great. LSE was great. My friends great. My trips greats. I was selfish and not realist of so much was around me . I quit all and went back to India that I love because once I had been with Haiko and saw HH Dalai Lama because luckily we arrived as he taught a course.

Anyway. I say too much. As I quit it all I once broke my foot in Thailand. Not falling. My brother heard and told me to come back to Brasil.

I came back and they looked my foot in Samaritano hospital and they told me the foot was not broken but I had to have it blocked for a month. I did it 2 weeks and went climbing.

Again decided to do alternative treatment and did not take epileptic medicine and had again an attack.

Went to Samaritano and Dr Getulio told my parents to go out and to speaks to me. Very strongly he said.

“Julieta you choose your doctor, and I choose my patients. If you do not take your medicine you are not my patient. Having more epileptic attacks you will loose parts of your brain.”

I took the medicine   but I had had another epileptic attack and. When they do not know and are afraid of what is happening they induce a person to a coma to try to discover what is happening to a person. As I said for me it happened two times.

Coma is not bad. What it is hard is to return.

I write all of these to hopefully to  help some people.

The second coma was harder. They tell me I stayed for 30 days in coma, returning was harder.   I saw now these videos. Me on the hospital and not able to open my eyes. Not speaking.

First I must say it  is amazing that I am writing these.

I could not talk, speak, to walk, to read, to sing, to remember things, to know numbers. Those are areas, zones of the brain.

I am slowly returning.  Yesterday my Dr Karen told me she could never imagine I could return so much, so better than I was some  months ago.

She discovered I have AutoImune Encephalitis. I am so thankfully to Dr Karen,  Dr Getulio, Dr Laura, Dr Euthimia, my parents, Andre, my grandmother. So many people actually.

I also wanted to say today I wrote half of all these words  in the place I used to love to climb. I was able to clim in the easy level .  As I did it the other weak I was so happy. Today I did a little but let andre did it with someone else and I wrote.

When we fall, we lose and we start to sea we had and we had not given value.

I am still bad at writting and reading. Bad at remembering names, faces , immediate memories. So if I see you and do not recognize you do not be angry or said it is part of my falls.

Today I am thankful  to my hard coma. It forced me to be present. That is the hardest thing there is.

In any problem don’t abandon hope. I do not speak of religions.  Chose your path but try to always use all zones of the brain.  If I had not learned many languages it would be hard to return to speak. If my mom had not showed me  paths of  flexibility when I was young it would be harder to come back to walk.  As for mathematics I was never good. As for music the melodies are inside but the words, I cant sing.

It is hard to accept the losses but from them also come the wining good things.

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