It has been 5 months since Leila Alaoui has left us.

Nabil Reminded me today that it has been 5 months that Leila has left us. He told me if I went to a temple Leila would be with me.
In my mind I decided to take a page of my red book and to write Leila a letter. 

In it I told her I had learned from Dra EUthymia that mourning had 4 steps. 

First is was denial, When we don’t want to believe that death has happened, 

Second  was anger which is when we get angry to someone, to even the person who departed, or even to ourselves for our mistakes. 

Third comes a moment of feeling life has no meaning anymore without the person who left. That part could last 6 months. If  we notice we are still there we should look for help. 

And finally, the fourth time would be happy nostalgic feelings. We would remember of the person with joy, with love, with laughter.
I wrote to Leila saying I was sure she was fine. I recognised my guilts and my love and my concern for Nabil, Christine, Mounia, Soulaimane and Yasmina. I told her about our secrets and put my letter next to the beautiful blue Buddha in the Pagoda of my beloved city Kalaw here in Burma.

What a beautiful pagoda I thought. There were four options of Buddhas and I chose this blue one. I wrote in the letter Fellipe would have thought of her in Africa. I told her she will always be my dear friend. And I will always think of her beloved ones. In my bare foot I departed the pagoda. I feel total gratitude and love. I hope you are all well.

Love Jules

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