I have been asked by some dear friends from abroad whether I got married . I guess they have seen my pictures on Facebook and they were very surprised about it. Some of them had spoken to me when I did not even have a boyfriend in the beginning of this January 🙂 So I feel I must tell. I know, many people do not feel like they have to do so but since my life has been too public for very long, why not tell. And mostly I am too thankful to too many people all over the world.
This tale carries two thoughts. One is that there is no perfection in any life. There is no fairy tale but in any tale there is possibility to find happiness again. It does not matter how broke you have been. How hurt you were. How abandoned. How close to death and how many people told you there was no total chance to not recover. There is always a possibility. Life is TAO, it is a path. A path of possible total change. The impermanence, as the buddhist say is a reality. It is not a threat. It is your acknowledgment of this that is your greatest friend of all.
I write first to thank many of you. Friends from destructed countries. Tortured people. And people who are carers. Doctors, and cooks. Those who are friends. I write to express that my total happiness now does not come without the fear of it being suddenly taken away. I write to avoid the fear and to thank happiness of today. Today is where you always are.
Here goes the tale. My tale. It is one more in my path.
I miraculously healed. Not without help. Not without friends, doctors, and family. I lost many neurons, and no one knew how that had really happened. But even in silence I knew I had not lost the ability to have new synapses. I was suddenly visited by hatred. And then by nothingness. I accepted the total and complete life without trusting anything deeply. And so came to help my deepest recovery Tibetans. The teachings I have met. And suddenly I drove alone. I went to the beach driving alone. Without really telling anyone about it.I knew I did not remember the path, but I trusted my body would.
And why should I really care then? I was not afraid of death. I was not afraid of people. I expected nothing. I hoped for death. And so I met in the internet in a dating site Andre. He was nice but to my perception he did not like me, nor did I like him. Yet we both liked mountains. And so we started to walk together. Under the rain. And that day I realised I liked him.
“ Who cares, I thought. I need a friend. I cannot kiss this guy. It was not for puritanism it was because he liked mountains like I did. I thought if I would kiss him, I would forget him the following day. I did not trust anyone. I did not mind that but I was selfish and thought I needed a friend who was a mountaineer, someone who also wanted to climb Pico do Corcovado.”
But then on the third day we kissed. And he invited me to visit his friend Thiago and as he drove… I could not believe it. He had slept in my house two nights… and nothing had happened…. but the day we kissed he took me to meet his friend in another beach. And as he drove, and as I heard the wonderful music he had put…. The sun touched my face as I looked at the sea around and I felt TOTAL joy. I was in shock. I was actually afraid of it.
“Can I really still feel that much joy? How dangerous could that be?” But somehow I dismissed the fear and took the path.. Not without hesitancy
And we never left each other. And we were together. We climbed Roraima and spent 45 days in Venezuela. He who had abandoned masters and job. Me who had abandoned marriage, love, Phd, and almost life. We spent about 6 months 24 hours a day together.
Of course, I tried to run away. after all, I am the courageous who is the ultimate afraid person. Not afraid of Slums, but afraid of those who are really inside of your soul. Who is not afraid of full trust? But when I ran away he held me. And we travelled and spent time with friends, and family. He took care of my grandma and her friend Sonia who is 89.
Then he became adored by my grandmother. And me, being me, I wanted to go to India. It took me a week to convince him to go India. I eventually did. And in the same day…. He is offered an interview. And he is hired. Most people would think. “WOW that is great!” I am not most people… so I though “We can’t go to India anymore.”
Andre is an electric engineer. A man of actions and not of words like me, and those who do little 🙂 So he said. I ll work and next year we will have more money and we will go. He fixed things in our houses too 🙂 And me, being my selfish me said jokingly “Oh… I cannot believe it, you are stollen from me for a job?!?!? We will not be together all the time! To compensate this loss let’s get married 🙂 “
And he said yes. And I said
“ Then let’s do it secretly!” I was still thinking it was a joke.
“Ju, are you trying to hide it?
I was amazed actually and said: ” Let’s consult my grandma.”
And she said “Great Idea. Obviously we should do a party, what a silly idea to hide it!
And I was happy. Very happy.
“ Andre, let’s do it this year in september the 26th. My grandmother will be 91. And it will be spring”
Being a practical man he is, he said…. but that will be in less than 3 months… we have a short time.
“ Yes, but my grandmother will be well and healthy! Next year is monday. And we should do it in Ubatuba in the beach house. We don’t care about rules and typical weddings.”
“ Yes. Ubatuba is the place. Let’s do it.”
And so we did. Asking the blessings of Tibetans, nature, and all who were there. And it was a wonderful party. It was on my grandmother’s 91 birthday. It was on the beach. There were friends from all over. Dear friends. People from our family that we love. The ceremony was made by Laura, who is a great friend and who is a neurologist and from the religion called “espiritismo”. And she actually knows my brain 🙂 And she met Andre to know him. Being a doctor she is a specialist to look at a person and make a quick judgement. When she met him she said:
“ I have something to say.”
I was afraid…..
“ Jules, you are super egoistic but this is the first time you actually really love someone. And this man is someone of few words and profound perception of reality. I would love to do the ceremony.”
And together we created the ceremony. We had dates for the blessing of the middle east and north Africa, we had something like a tibetan ceremony but made in south america. We are in South America. Which means we mix it all. We respect many religions. At least Laura, Andre and I do.
Rather than tea in a teapot like some Tibetans do. We had a colombian hand made work of art in homage to the sea, the tea inside was cold, it was Flor de Jamaica ( hibiscus) and it was what we drank in Venezuela. The tea pot ( vinera) was brought by hand in the path in front of the sea by my friend Alondra who came from Mexico. The dates were carried by my friend Leila who is Moroccan but lives in Lebanon. And there was the music played by my friend Cibele while that happened. That was Jacob do Bandolim.
There was a judge. And the great film maker, and great friend Fellipe Barbosa made last minute a little film of the civil ceremony.
And the blessing were made by all. In many little acts. I obviously talked a lot to explain who we were considering most people did not know us together. And I explained there was nothing like a fairy tale, nor was I pregnant. There was simple joy of being together for months 24 hours a day. There was me explaining that I had never expected happiness could knock on my door again. And then there were blessings from our parents caring dates to Andre and me. I chose to have two best man and one bride woman and Andre had two bride women and one best man. They carried the glass filled with red Flor de Jamaica tea. They passed hand to hand wishing blessing to us. We drank them. Laura told us it was our path so we gave the tea to each other and we drank.
Than we asked blessings from all. Our ceremony was made by all. The blessing of thoughts was made under the silence of voices, the music of the sea and the flute.
Of course, after all that non typical ceremony there was wonderful live music. Choro and Samba played by people who I know and drove hours to get there..
The party started at 11 am and finished to some the following day. I went to bed around 3 am. We danced, we ate, we climbed trees. Children even went to the sea. There was a little drizzle of drops of rain which we took to be blessings.
Laura as a neurologist said many wise words…. and said she would quote a self help book “ Love is not an emotion, emotions are fleeting. Love is a daily practice.”
So now, let’s hope…. let’s all attempt to practice it daily. Thanks a lot for all of you who have asked me about it. Thanks a lot for all of you who came. All of you who still write me.